Category: Relationships

Afterthoughts – The Tyranny of the Urgent

       Early in 1974, a friend of mine, one Charles E. Hummel, released a small book titled—  The Tyranny of the Urgent. It created significant repercussions throughout the Christian community across America. Charlie challenged our persistent need to be constantly busy. He admitted to me that he had struggled with this for most of his life. [I never admitted to anything.]

       Here we are, some 50 years later, still cramming our schedules so full that we barely have time to breathe. We don’t even have time to read a book on time management—  let alone take a course on setting priorities!

       The ramifications of that are inconceivable. Western cultures have become obsessed with filling every little crack in our schedules with…, something.

       To be honest, I used to be this way. Kind of a busy-ness is next to godliness mentality. And I was blind to what I was doing.

         Somewhere along the line I developed one of my not-so-famous axioms. STOP! Give God some room to work. Why is it we always want to run ahead of Him to do OUR work?

         Then we complain we do not have enough time to get everything done. Maybe we need to take a step back and have a good look at how we are filling our time. I don’t believe God needs us to do anything. He does grant us the privilege of serving those around us in His name. Or do we do that in our name but say it is in His?

         As I asserted in the last EMPulse, I was rather arrogant in my younger days. Now, not so much. But what about you? What does your schedule look like? Packed to the gills? No space between appointments?

         Why?

         Do you think you can do more in your lifetime than Christ did in three years?

Gary

NEXT— EMPulse 15 – a confession

Afterthoughts – Wearing out

      We try to plan for it. Schedule breaks so we are prepared for it. But it usually just sneaks up on us. After a vigorous workout, a mentally challenging confrontation, or raising kids, we get to a point where we are simply worn out. New York traffic or the New Jersey Turnpike will do the same thing. We have all come to a point where there is just nothing left.

       We start to feel like well worn tires with very little life left in them. If any. Our life isn’t over yet, but it sure feels like it. Retreads are not the solution.

       I’ve had many times in my life where I simply could not go on. Taking a nap helps, but not always. [I’ve always had a terrible time shutting down my mind.] Why? Because the issues I face are still there, gnawing away at my heart, at my strength.

       In more recent days I’ve also deal with my old nemesis— depression. And my residual postcancer treatments also take a toll on me. Ah, the joys of aging! Ugh.

       So what can any of us do about wearing out?

       For one, keep active. I don’t mean start exercising when you retire at 65, but throughout life. The later you start, the harder it gets. Trust me.

       Get outdoors more. Sunshine, hiking in rain, overnight in a tent. All great things to do. Or, at the least, a game of tennis or round of golf. Avoid Bingo! You, know— sitting on your… .

       Grow new friendships. The old ones will stay there, or not. But new Friendships are like starting over.                                                       READ! I’ve developed quite a hunger for new ideas. My wife still loves her British murder mysteries, but, for me, ehhh, not so much. I’ll take a good cultural analysis any day.

       Spend more time listening for God to confide in you. You’re never alone. Get used to it. Our God is always just a heartbeat away. Sometimes, when you least expect it, He will ask you if you have any time for Him.

       Say yes.

       The other thing I do to keep from wearing out is to change my routine. At this stage in my life I find that “regular” is not the best for me. I feel trapped. Oh, except for going to the gym. THAT is a must M-W-F!

       Also, try new things. Ever been skydiving? Me either. But I sure wouldn’t mind. OK, too much? Try Israeli food or taking a course in geriatric personal defense. How about going for another college degree?

       On the other side— just take a rest! However you rest…, do that.

       There are so many ways to rest. Above all, stop striving! God may not be finished with you…, yet; but that doesn’t mean you have to do more.

Gary

NEXT —  CLUTTER!!!

Afterthoughts – Who am supposed to be in this stage of life?

       Throughout life we should all be asking the question—  Who am I now? But we don’t. We casually continue to go to work, drink, play, have relationships, end relationships, and start new ones. As if simply by rote or ecstatic event.

       We celebrate new birth, commemorate special occasions, mourn loss, cry, laugh, go flat. It’s just all a part of life on earth.

       Unless we are cognizant of it, we may miss that our world is changing. Likewise, we need to keep track of ourselves— that we are changing as well.

       So who are you? What are the components that go into you, being you? Now. Not what used to define you, but what defines you now?

       Erik Erikson, an American/German Psychologist, has set forth this classification—

·       Infancy·       Toddlerhood
·       Preschool years·       Early School Years
·       Adolescence·       Young Adulthood
·       Middle Adulthood·       Late Adulthood

       If (and I do mean if) you mature just a little more in each phase you will give up your earlier toys, develop new friendships, set goals, deepen relationships (& give up others), figure out who you are, change, grow a family, learn it’s not-all-about-you, and pass along what you have learned to the next generation. Admittedly, this is a very simplistic progression.

       But not all of us are aware of these phases and transitions. We know that graduating school, at whatever level, is a milestone. So is marrying. So is that big promotion or salary increase. And having children changes EVERYTHING. Still, the changes that happen around us could blind us to the changes we need to face.

       Busy lives.

       It’s so easy to get lost in life. In our work. In ourselves.

       So what are you doing to keep track of yourself? Here are some guidelines.

1.      If you set goals in life, how are you doing at completing them?

2.      Areas where you are weak— what are you doing to strengthen them?

3.      Places where you shine. How can you keep on shining and be humble about it?

4.      What kind of support team will you need next in your life?

5.      Can you admit wrong? What do you do about it?

       To move into the next (healthier) phase of your life, you will need a safe place for refreshment. What is it? Truly, God will provide one it you ask. Ask.

Gary

Next – Wearing Out

After Thoughts – Where do you feel safe?

For most of my adult life I have maintained that everyone needs a safe place, a safe activity, and a safe person as a basis for their lives. But there exceptions. Prison changes people; so does war.

       When we were children it was much simpler. We had our parents, or at least one of them, grandma, or our “Teddy.” For the most part our world was a safe place to live, learn, and be loved.

       As we grew into our teenage years it wasn’t quite the same. “Love” sometimes meant being hurt, disappointed, or betrayed. Decisions were more complicated. We didn’t have the experience to make them all that well. We made mistakes. We learned. Hopefully.

       In later years we learned we shouldn’t trust all people as naïvely or innocently as when we were younger. If there were any proof for evil in this world this is it— the loss of innocence.

       For Christians, this comes as a shock. Too often, those we looked up to, those we trusted, those we admired, turned out to be not quite as “safe” as we once thought. Betrayal in the Christian world seems far more venomous than in our secular relationships.

       It should not be this way.

       I know I’ve addressed this issue before but given the increasing violence in our culture it is time to take another look. So allow me to wrap back to our beginning.

·       Where is your safe place?

·       What is your safe activity?

·       Who is your safe person?

For a long time, my safe places have been the Galbraith lakehouse and these Colorado mountains. Both have provided a real solace for my soul. My safe activities have been working on my Volvos, and now, getting high into these beautiful mountains. I love living here. Other than my wife, Starr, I am not sure I have a safe person at the moment. Well, no. For 20 years now it would have to be my assistant Melanie. As I’ve often commented, my biggest fear in life is when Starr & Mel get together to discuss “me.”

       Jesus once said 28 “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” [Matthew 11:28-29, NASB]

       Can any of us find anymore safety than can be found in Him? ©

Gary

NEXT— The Shower— Who am I supposed to be at this phase in my life?

After thoughts – What makes you…, You?

       WHAT MAKES YOU…, YOU? Let’s start with the obvious descriptors— heredity and environment. HEREDITY is what you are; conceived by your birth parents, with their genes, their propensities and personalities and proclivities. You are some of who they are, but not all.

       ENVIRONMENT, on the other hand, is what makes you you, the person are today. More specifically, it is your reactions to the experiences you have with your environment and to the people who surround you. No one is an island. Seriously.

       Some of us just accept what is happening to us with little question. Others challenge these occurrences with questions or confrontation. We do not accept the way things are. We look for better ways to accomplish the same task or overcome the same challenge. We are not intimidated by life; we attack it.

       Of course, there are many other factors that form who we are. Our economic heritage, our own financial situation. Our cultural history: that is, how much our ethnic history and socioeconomic station in life affects us. Where we attended school, prep or otherwise. Our predisposition for introversion or extroversion. When you were growing up did you prefer to read or write? Were you more into sports? Always ready to compete or challenge a goal?  

       Some of us (not me) were ready for both! I was more of an introvert.

       Then there is, what I call, “the God factor.” I believe that God has designed each of us to fulfill our role on this blue marble, third planet from our star. We are designed to make a difference, to contribute something to the successful functioning of the various people groups across the globe.

       Too many of the people on our planet live for themselves, with little-to-no interest in making a difference in our world. “Go for all the gusto you can grab!” and they do.

       For years I have endeavored to instill a sense of urgency and responsibility in those I know and have taught. I wonder how successful I have been.

       How about you? Have you made a difference?

       One day we will all stand before our Creator. Are you ready for what He will ask you? “What did you do with what I gave you?”

Loving God; loving people… and bringing the two together! ©

Gary

NEXT— The Shower— How do you decide what is right or wrong?

Easter 2023— of chocolate Easter bunnies and Jesus

Having just read an online article about all the carcinogens in Chocolate Easter Bunnies I am somewhat loathe to dash all your myths about Easter and its surrounding festivities. The good news is that there are some chocolates that are actually good for you; Ghiardelli Chocolate, M&Ms, and Dove to name a few. But the majority of chocolate Easter Bunnies, well, er, not so much. Still, you would have to eat A LOT of chocolate/

     The Western world has been moving away from admitting the true meaning of Easter for quite some time. But to learn that the stuff in Easter Bunnies can kill you…, that’s just over the edge. It’s like learning the Tooth Fairy didn’t really leave you that quarter under your pillow in the morning.

     For the most part, our Easter candy gathering is actually killing us. What’s next? Valentine’s Day hearts?! The death of Trick-or-Treating!? What is this world coming to?

     Our whole Easter celebrations, the arrival of Spring, the last remnants of winter, has led us to this— poison rabbits. It’s just wrong.

     Then again, so is what we’ve done with Jesus at Easter. I don’t think my own grandkids know what Jesus did for us at Easter. The true meaning of Easter has been lost to commercialism and triviality.

     As if the sacrifice of Jesus’ life wasn’t enough, conquering death is simply unbelievable! How could the magnitude of His work on the cross be supplanted with this trivial bunny stuff. Kids love it, to be sure. But shouldn’t we explain more to them than just the bunnies? [and the jelly beans, and Cadbury eggs, and marshmallow Peeps?!?]

     This past Easter celebration struck me as unusually essential. Our society has moved so far away from its roots in the Christian religion that, we, as followers of Christ, own very little of our former value to be a major stabilizing force within.

     How can we reverse that? Well, we can’t. But we can regain ground through entering into our world’s celebrations. As Christians, let’s build our right to be heard!

1.   Throw an Easter egg hunt where you live.

2.   Hold an Easter barbeque in your home or apartment.

3.   Serve good wine, not two-buck chuck.

4.   Plan activities for the kids that teams them up with their parents.

5.   Plan the Next holiday party with your neighbors. [Juneteenth?]

We need to win the right to be heard in our clueless culture.

     Hope your Easter was as wild and deep as ours!

Loving God; loving people… and bringing the two together! ©

Gary

NEXT—  

Web: www.cluelessChristianity.org

The Whiskey Chronicles 25 – Happy the Way I Am

“Don’t worry…, be happy.” Yada, yada, yada.

    In this year, 2023, I actually know people who see being happy as their ONLY life goal. To be happy! I don’t know if it’s because they’re young (thirtysomething) or I’m old (no comment), but this seems like a totally self-absorbed objective.

      My life, all/most of it, at least, has been about making a difference in our world. The tagline for my life has been, for a long time, honor God, honor people…, make a difference. So, it somewhat bugs me when some other people just want to be happy.

       Really?!?

       For me, happiness is a byproduct of making a difference. I have a lot of friends who live to make a difference— every day. They are NOT happy the way they are. They are NOT happy the way you are. Our world is full of too much pain, too much conflict, and too much anger, and way too much desire for retaliation for us to be concerned only with our own happiness.

       If you are happy with the way you are, you had better be making a major difference in improving the state of our fellow man/women. If you are only able to give money, can you give more? If you serve as a volunteer in a homeless shelter, have you fallen in love with their guests? If you serve overseas in a medical clinic, are you interested in further training in some medical field?

       On the other hand, if you are happy the with the way you are and you are doing little to nothing to make a difference in our world…, how can you be happy?!?

       God forgive you…, if you believe in a god, that is. If not, may the people of this world forgive you.

Loving God; loving people… and bringing the two together! ©
Gary


NEXT— I’m OK— you’re out of your mind

The Whiskey Chronicles 24 – Salvation from… What?

As I peruse the intellectual, practical functions of Western Culture I find little understanding of Christian faith. So when we tell people of their need of salvation their general response is— from what?

       On one hand the church in the West has lost its ability to express its beliefs in a language that people can grasp. But it’s worse than that. People truly do not know that there is anything wrong with them.

       When Thomas Harris (M.D.) released his classic I’m OK: You’re OK in 1967, he could not have had an idea of its subsequent far-reaching effects. The title says it all. None of us really have a problem. There’s no right, no wrong, no anything. Everything is simply a matter of perspective.

       If people do sense any need for salvation they will work it out for themselves. There was no need for Christ to die for our sins. There is no sin. We’re all OK.

       Do we really believe this?

       My wife and I have many friends who don’t come close to being Christians. We are a novelty for them, but they still like us. There is something to be said for loving and not condemning. Something to be said for accepting them for where they are in life…, and in the process teaching them about God. The key ingredient in our relationships with them is prayer. We rarely say anything; but we pray. PRAYER is always the underlying foundation for our relationships with people— Christian and Normal.

       In many ways I’ve grown used to their complete ignorance about our faith and about our Lord. Explaining their need for Christ and his salvation is like drawing a white rabbit in a snow field. Blank. Still, we are called to love these people in their ignorance.

       They cannot save themselves. They do not know this. Nor are they aware of the glory and blessing that awaits them in the safe arms of Jesus. Rather, He is seen as a threat to their individuality and freedom. Have we done that to them with a hundred years of hellfire and brimstone preaching? I don’t know that either. But I am sure that our constant calling them to account for their sins hasn’t shown much mercy and grace. One more reason to find the Christian message baffling.

       I pray that, one day, people will see their need of Christ and His salvation. It is still freely offered. And it will be offered through the likes of us.

Loving God; loving people… and bringing the two together! ©

Gary

NEXT— I am happy the way I am.

The Whiskey Chronicles 22 – Ships passing in the night

 I once gave my wife a greeting card of two ships passing in the night. In reference to our busy lives, the inside simply read We’re like two ships passing in the bathroom. Too true.

     Applying this to our interactions with normal people we are much the same. Too many of us are simply oblivious to their need for our Lord. Oh, we know it to be true on a mental level; but that doesn’t often translate to a personal level. We are ships passing in the night.

     We spend our lives with people who have increasingly less and less comprehension of the Christian message of salvation, faith, and forgiveness than at any other time in modern history. In a sense we have entered a new Dark Ages for the Christian faith.

     It is true that most people reject the Christian faith. But now they reject it out of ignorance more than out of understanding. They do not reject the salvation of Christ out of disagreement; rather, they simply ignore it. We just do not take the time to understand their world enough to explain our faith to them in a format that they can understand and respond to.

     It rests on us to do the hard work of giving our message a context. Some of the areas we must consider are— language, reference points, past inaccuracies, trust, prior knowledge, prior misinformation, bad experiences with other believers, sad experience in the church.

       Then again, we constantly explain the facts of our faith without couching it in love. This is not the gospel. The offering of our Lord to someone always needs His embracing love as its cradle. Calling a person to repentance must have a framework of forgiveness. Why would anyone repent if there were no offering of forgiveness? Beheading certainly does not encourage one to repent.

Loving God; loving people… and bringing the two together! ©

Gary

NEXT— no need for religion, or Christ

Web: www.cluelessChristianity.org

The Whiskey Chronicles 17 – Deep Prayer a Mystery

On the north wall of my study hangs one of my favorite paintings of all time. It is St. Francis of Assisi Receiving the Stigmata. Painted by Jan von Eyck around 1428-1432, it depicts St. Francis in such deep prayer that he received the stigmata, the actual wounds of Jesus Christ— when He was nailed to the cross.

               Whether this actually happened is not the point. The point is this— that Francis was known as a man of deep prayer.

               This begs the question of us. What is your prayer life like?

               I refrain from wondering whether it would ever be to the depth of St. Francis. Our society moves far too fast for that.

     But do we, as 21st century Christians, set aside enough time to enter into deep prayer? It is not an easy thing to do. So much becomes us to remain immersed in normal, human concerns.

     Yet if anything is necessary for God to work His miracles through/in us it is the holy task of coming apart from our world for a time of deep, worshipful prayer. There is no substitute for it. NO substitute.

     Too many of us have lost any ability to pray at all. It has been relegated to the status of filler in our faith and service. As was the case in many colleges & universities in the sixties, chapel service was mandatory. One chapel speaker grabbed me like no other. He stated emphatically that Prayer is NOT the preparation for the battle. Prayer IS the battle. From that moment on I started to change my attitude and practice of prayer.

     Drawing aside for a couple of hours, or days, of prayer must be central to our faith. Otherwise, we will never engage those around us with the power of the gospel. It will, instead, remain mere words, mere explanation of facts.

     We must become intrinsic vessels of Christ that hold His Truth deeply entrenched in every fiber of our being. Anything else would be a meagre transmission of data. This is not the gospel. The gospel must engulf us fully if it is to engage the hearts and souls of others.

     In every sense of the word, WE ARE the Gospel.

     One of my favorite quotes from Francis [now attributed to another.] is Preach the Gospel at all times…, when necessary use words. This cannot be accomplished without a basis in deep prayer in ourselves.

   So, please, fellow Christ follower, give yourself over to secluded times of friendship with our Lord. It is exactly what each of us need. It is also what our pepole need in us if they are ever to see Jesus in us. Prayer is the presence and practice of Jesus Christ in us, flowing to others.

     In deep prayer…

 Loving God; loving people… and bringing the two together! ©

Gary

NEXT— no expectation that God is at work