Beyond being in control

Gary, Davis, Control, Needinc, Clueless, Christians, Let it go, letting goStaying in control is probably the #1 value of most people in Western Society. Being out of control is scary; it is always lurking just below the surface of our consciousness. Personal security, personal independence, and personal significance are our TOP priorities (after food and shelter.) We have this innate fear of being out-of-control.

Some people take it too far; becoming micro-managers at work and a home. They must be hands-on and on-top of everything. If this attitude becomes embedded in a person’s psyche it creates issues of trust and insecurity. Even close friends do not want to be around them. Sometimes, it causes people to hide their true selves from those outside and to cocoon within a private world of fantasy or fear. This is not good for the soul.

However, there is another path to be taken for those who draw their strength and define their identity from somewhere beyond this present realm. It is for those who have decided that being in-control isn’t as safe and secure as they once thought. It is for those who are tired of working so feverishly to have power over everything around them. It is for those who are ready to let go.

Moving beyond being in control is frightening and terrifying. It means that you are consciously removing yourself from the button, the control switch, from being the central figure around whom all others must revolve. You must become such a person who will put your faith, your trust, in others, and, quite frankly, in God.

Why is it that we rise to our point of success in life, only to find a ceiling of doubt and emptiness at the top? The reason is that we were not meant to climb this ladder in isolation, as individuals; we were designed to do it in relationships: first, in relationships with those around us, and second, in relationship with the God who made us. This is not rocket-surgery; it is an obvious observance.

We must move beyond being in control to trust, to delegation, both of responsibility and authority, and to letting go. [Listen— Paul Cardall. Letting Go. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUONnfHb7a8 ]. It is in letting go of control that we lose our tightness, our fears, our need for dominance, and put on the cloak of grace.

If you truly want to lead, then you must move beyond being in control and learn to let go.

 

For what it’s worth,

  Gary

 

letting go…

So many different ingredients go into shaping our identity. Our place of origin, our class, life situation, our parents’ economic level, our peers, even our youngest memories, actions, and decisions, all blend into the mix that is us. In time they accumulate into a collective whole. For some, the God of the universe molds our clay to become a useful vessel in His hands. Yes, we do have a choice in the matter. But should we: and to what extent is it viable?

Good times become memories; friends form a part of our social fabric, another definer of our lives. Tragedies become memories too; that first girlfriend leaving you, the betrayal of a friend, the early loss of a parent. Being hit with the reality that we are not superman, not invincible, not the greatest & best at everything, not the center of the universe also goes into our collective psyche, further refining who we truly are, and not some projection of our imagination.

We hang onto these definers, both positive & negative, as a point of reference upon which we decide our future behavior, make our future decision, and define the “groove” of our lives. We settle in, based on how we arrived at this place in our journey. Ergo, we feel safe. Finally. Mostly. Sorta.

To be sure, there are some areas in our life which are best let go, we tend to hang onto those. Why? Because they provide a point of reference, a sense of safety, a history, memories. Healthy people move past the painful experiences, letting them go. They make their peace with the past. Others, not so much. Too many of us either live in the past where personal safety and happiness were part ‘n parcel to life. For them, moving forward, growing beyond, is too much of a risk.

Why do we seek to dwell in our memories and past experiences, even the great ones, when there is so much to discover around the corner, in a future full of possibilities? The good ol’ days just weren’t. We need to let go—of the hurt, the pain, and the what-could-have-been.

Letting go of anything is not often a simple matter.  But living in the past both robs us of great joy and elation in the present, and deprives us of our dreams for the future.

Let it go.

Have a nice week,

Gary

spring cleaning

Chuck Marean

After much perpetual prodding from my wife I was guilted into facing the greatest challenge of my life— cleaning out my Study. Mind you, this is no small matter. Centuries of books line the walls like added insulation. When I gave myself to address the volumes of history I found copies of the US Constitution, the Dead Sea Scrolls, and papyri from the Library at Alexandria. In the dust collected I discovered micro-organisms which linked directly to the Big Bang. Together, my wife and I even found strands of hair from “the Missing Link.” (She mused if I might be shedding.) We decided that attempting to complete the task should be stretched out over a couple weeks to protect my delicately imbalanced psychological structure.

As I inhaled dust particles from before the last Ice Age it became apparent that a great battle was taking place. Deciding what should go and what could stay was hard enough; but it was more than that. I was at war with myself. I had to decide to let go of history, of meaningful parts of my very life that at one time were my very essence. Never mind that I held captive some of the most influential books ever written, even rare books! Some had to go: some could stay. I was re-experiencing The Agony and the Ecstasy as I dug deeper into the ancient manuscripts to determine if they held any significance for my present life-situation.

Letting go. Why do we have such a hard time with it? There’s safety in the past. Really!?! Do you know the saying—

Nothing is more responsible for the good old days

than the passage of time and a bad memory.  [Franklin Pierce Adams]

We hang on to our past because we fear the future. We neither want to live up to the demands of life NOW, nor face the challenges of an uncertain future. Uncertainty is frightening. No argument there. But what if…, what if, we could face it with less baggage? What if we let the past lie there, in the past? None of us can afford to rust on our laurels or go back to the way it used to be. The only choice before us is to learn from the past, to live in the present, and to plan for the future. We can do it with either anxious fear or anticipation and excitement.

Enjoying the present and trusting God for the future is a great beginning! But, unless you are an archeologist, hanging on to the past will only weight you down. It’s gone. Time for a little Spring Cleaning.

Have a nice week,

Gary