Love games., and how to play them

dr gary davis, clueless, love, christian, amherst, communication, games, love gamesLOVE GAMES. We’ve all played them at one time or another. Not something I’m proud to admit; but I have too.

We learn to play love games because we’ve been hurt, wounded. We learn to not trust, to not be open, to guard ourselves. We play them because we want to protect ourselves, our hearts, from further pain. Nothing wrong with that!?! At first. But after a while we grow a shell around our souls, like the crust on an apple pie; just not as tasty.

In marriage, partners guard their love, withhold their deepest fears and desires from the other. In business, we learn to play our cards close to our chest, revealing just enough that will still allow us to hold the upper hand. It’s business; not personal. With friends, we might dare confide, unless we have been betrayed before. After that, no one really knows us. We always hold something back.

We even play love games with God. We pretend to serve Him when we are secretly seeking recognition for our own actions. We give to the poor in a shielded, cautious manner, making sure we don’t forfeit our own safety or security. Or indulgences. Sacrifice?!? That’s a whole ‘nother conversation.

Love Games are a part of life. We use them to protect ourselves. At some point, though, they can dominate our souls and shut out the world so thoroughly that we trap ourselves within our own fortress.

Is there any way to safeguard ourselves within this self-imposed isolation, these ostensibly compulsory love games? Well, yes…, but you will have to work hard. Here are some ideas for you to bring your best to your love games—

  1. NEVER be real with yourself. There are real dangers in discovering a deeper understanding of who you really are. Best to remain content with your fanciful projection of yourself.
  2. NEVER lose control. You must regulate everything around you. Leave no variance in your realities. Surprise is your enemy.
  3. NEVER trust others, especially your fellow workmates. They may gain your complete confidence in the beginning, but be careful; they will outshine you in time. That is exactly what you don’t want. NEVER enable people to become better than you.
  4. Above all else, DO NOT TRUST GOD! To do so puts you in too precarious a position. You never know what He is going to do with you or your situation. Letting go of the game to give God control over your life is a very risky move.  Trusting God will make your life and livelihood far more exciting in the long run, but do not be concerned with that. Better to stay safe now than to trust your future to some unknown God.
  5. MAINTAIN YOUR JUDGMENTS OF OTHERS. TRUE, they are not designed to be like YOU. They are inferior. Above all else you MUST win. It is not your job to empower lesser people to succeed.
  6. NEVER TELL THE WHOLE TRUTH. Subtleties, nuances, and innuendoes will do just fine and enhance your odds of winning the game.  Always withhold something. NEVER reveal all:  NEVER say what you actually mean.
  7. NEVER CONCERN YOURSELF ABOUT WHO YOU ARE BECOMING; just play the game and blend in until it is time for you to take control. Taking the time to evaluate and recalculate your direction is a waste of your time.

Still want to keep playing love games? Maybe…, maybe not? Tune in for our next discussion.

NEXT DISCUSSION:  Escaping Love Games.

 Your turn…,

Gary

Beyond Words Reconsidered – Take 1

Gary, Davis, needinc, amherst, christian, books, At the same time the BEYOND WORDS BOOKSHOP opened in Amherst, Massachusetts, I was developing a training course for Christians on the nature of the gospel, titled, coincidentally, BEYOND WORDS. Since they were about as humanistic as they come I took my course into them and asked if they would display my brochures. When they found out what it was about we all had a good laugh and the brochures were set up on the checkout counter by the register. Let’s just say that the first time we held the course it was, er, fascinating.

That was 25 years ago. Today the course has morphed into something far more expansive, fun, and exciting. But the thrust still concerns the nature and offering of our Christian message to the normal people of this culture. I use the phrase normal people because “Christian” no longer describes nor defines the majority of individuals in Western culture.

The next few installments of EMPulse will re-address our understanding, expression, and communication of the Christian message, the Gospel. This Take 1 concerns itself with the problems we face as our society loses its Christian memory and assumptions.

For the last ½ century we have boiled down “the gospel” to what we believe a person needs to know in order to become a Christian. Knowledge can no longer be the extent of our message to them. We are now engaged in a battle to verify what we say we believe through our involvement with peoples’ hurts, needs, and failures.

We dwell in a society that no longer holds to an agreed concept about the existence and nature of God, an understanding of a definition of sin (other thangetting caught), a knowledge of the life of Jesus Christ, and the ramifications of belief on/in Him. Nor do we dare assume they sense a need for any kind of God in their lives. The thought of needing an external reference point to guide their life-principles sounds weird to them. We need an expression of the gospel that goes beyond words, that challenges minds and touches hearts.

Asking people to “believe on Jesus and you will be saved” is loaded with so many subcultural assumptions that it has become a non-content phrase.

It’s time we reassessed the nature and content of the Christian message for this antiChristian world. To ignore the misgivings in our culture toward Christian cluelessness would be a grave disservice to our Lord Jesus.

For what it’s worth,

Gary