Category: General

weapons of self-destruction

Dr, Gary, Davis, Needinc, Clueless, Christianity, Christian, We’ve all met someone who seems to have a built-in self-destruct button. They make consistently bad decisions; some of them life threatening. We worry about these people; we try to help them; and, sometimes, we stay as far away from them as possible. Their personal annihilation often drains the life out of those around them.

Much more delicately, however, each of us fabricate our own weapons of self-destruction. Not intentionally, of course, but we do it nonetheless. Here are a few WSDs I’ve observed in people.

·  Over-commitment · Short-changing on sleep · Peopled-out
·  No time alone, down-time · Work is life: life is work · No time for even one friend
· Afraid to adapt, change, grow · Constant headaches · Loss of life’s excitement

There are more WSDs, to be sure. But these are the most obvious to others; if we’re honest, we’ve all sensed some of these signs in ourselves at one time or another. The question is what we DO about them. Here’s my next list for defusing some of these devices and lessening the extent of damage they can do in our lives.

1.       Take stock of your life. Not just a cursory band-aid review, but a full-fledged assessment of who you are and what you are doing. You may want a sounding-board person to help you establish an honest perspective on yourself.

2.       GO TO BED! Sorry, you DO need 8 hours. Talk with your doctor about a sleep-aid if necessary.

3.       For a time, limit the people in your life to a balance of feeders and drainers. i.e.- you need to be fed as you give out.

4.       Get away. Go for a walk (daily, alone), go to a hotel (no TV), get out in the woods…, something.

5.       Create a life that is separate from work. Anything. Take up knitting! Snow-football. Watch-making. Anything.

6.       You have to have at least one friend with whom you are completely safe. Find ‘em, feed ‘em, laugh with them.

7.       Start by brushing your teeth differently, then shift from boxers to briefs & vice-versa. Try doing something completely unusual for you. Hug people you’ve never hugged before. Smile at your enemies; send them gifts. Anything!

8.       Headaches are our body’s cues that we are pushing too much. [Some people can push more than others.] Go to a medical doctor and get some perspective…, and some proper medication.

9.       If nothing in life excites you any longer you are in the grasp of some form of depression. You need to talk to a professional counselor, psychologist, etc. more than anything the loss of a zest for life will destroy you. DO NOT let this WSD run its course.

Remember, it is never too late to regain your equilibrium in life. Our Creator did not make us to fall apart; that’s our doing. Let Him help rebuild your life into something remarkable, full of life, and maybe a little outrageous!

Have a nice week.

Gary

curious leadership

EmPulse for Week of December 7, 2009

Leadership in times of stability, predictability, and prosperity is a lot of fun. But that is not when leadership is most critical. It is most critical when times are unstable, uncertain, and people are facing the loss of their livelihoods and homes— like in wartime, or in a depression, or, now.

It is in times like these that men need to become men of honor, whether we feel like it or not. It’s called rising to the occasion, doing what’s right, taking on the mantle, etc. Most of us find it easier to cast blame than to create a solution. Women, likewise, need to stand up and become involved in LIFE. Not just business, not just child raising (which men must take on just as whole heartedly), but the deeper issues and fabric of life. Women lead with a perspective that men cannot fathom; we are fools to proceed without their take on life’s issues.

To lead in dismantled times we need a certain mix of curious ingredients or our strength will grind to powder under the churning. Here’s my list of what great leadership will need in uneasy times.

  1. Time to ponder—If we are caught up in too many daily issues and decisions we lose perspective on critical issues. Leaders need perspective; and that means time alone to think, to wonder, and to strategize a course of action.
  2. Trusted followers—We need people to whom we can delegate responsibility (along with commensurate authority) of important tasks. Then walk away from them, trusting those tasks to honorable hands.
  3. A rock-solid core—Know who you are. Be certain of it. If you’re not sure, then your leadership will falter.
  4. A true friend—Some people I know do not have one person they can count on no matter what. How do they ever make it through life!?! Find someone to trust and trust them unreservedly.
  5. Forgiveness—Be able to genuinely forgive those who’ve betrayed or wronged you. You cannot move beyond it if you don’t. Don’t let resentment devour your heart.
  6. Be quick to say you are wrong—If you are right all the time something must be wrong. You get the point.
  7. Consultants—Yes, consultants. Def.- People smarter than yourself who are not in your shoes. Surround yourself with them! You need some people who will tell you the truth.
  8. A higher risk-level—It’s rough being the one to make the tough calls. New commitments, people to be let go, compromises, expenditures on the uncertain. Yeah, that’s what leadership does. Get used to it.
  9. A deep, quiet, secret life of prayer—If you’re doing any of this without God then you are amazing! You are not alone, though; many Christians do amazing things without God. I wonder what it might be like if we both trusted God more for the truly difficult decisions in life? Spending more time with God, alone, isn’t going to do any damage.
  10. Ask yourself one question at the end of the day—“What did I do today that truly made a difference?” The more days you can look back and see the great things you have accomplished, the more assurance you will have that your leadership is needed in this world. Keep it up.

Please feel free to add to this list… .

Have a nice week.

Gary

Cognitive Dissonance

In 1957 social psychologist Leon Festinger first proposed the theory of cognitive dissonance after the publication of his book When Prophecy Fails, observing the counterintuitive belief persistence of members of a UFO doomsday cult.

“In psychology, cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling or stress caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a fundamental cognitive drive to reduce this dissonance by modifying an existing belief, or rejecting one of the contradictory ideas.” (Wikipedia)

Oddly, we live in an era wherein cognitive dissonance is embraced as normative. Facts do not have to reflect reality; truth is personalized and resident in each individual, specific to their experience alone. Your truth does not have to be my truth. Those truths can be contradictory and both held as “absolute” for each individual. Sadly, contradictory “truths” can be held in conflict within one individual with seemingly little concern for their conflicting juxtaposition.

This has led to many individuals shifting realities. When one reality begins to feel less that true, that is the cognitive dissonance grows too large, people merely shift into another reality where conflicting truths or facts can be held in opposition more comfortably.

This is nuts!

People who live in this cognitive dissonance for long periods of time begin to develop a form of personality disorder that slowly eats away at their core values and their ability to perceive reality (“real reality”, as Francis Schaeffer coined in 1963) accurately. Their worlds become fanciful fantasies to avoid the admissions that they may be wrong about…, well, just about anything.

People would rather live within this pathological play-ground than face the real world around them and admit they can’t always cope. It’s a form of self-preservation, self-protection, really. And there is nothing wrong with anyone trying to protect themselves from the onslaughts of postmodern stress.

God understands this. He offers an alternative solution to this reality-shifting— a place of safety “in” Himself. Is it so difficult, for the Christian or otherwise, to truly trust in the God who made them and accept that shelter of safety He provides?! As long as evil flourishes in this world Jesus Christ’s atonement will be necessary for all. I know I need it.

What do you do to protect yourself? Where do you feel safe? What is the basis of your significance? Please, get with the program. You’ll feel so much better.

Have a nice week.

Gary

insightinfusionimplications

Dr, Gary, Davis, Needinc, Clueless, Christianity, Christian, insight, ideas, Edison, It’s in those frantic, life-is-too-full periods of life that flashes of insight come to us more frequently. Granted, having an incredible insight while sitting on a beach as tropical breezes blow over you is the preferred way of receiving an insight, it is more likely that they will hit you when you are too involved to take note of them. So much has been lost to human innovation due to a loss of a momentary insight that might have cured the common cold, rid the world of political positioning, or developed a galactic hyper drive. Carrying pen & paper (PDA, SmartPhone, voice-recorder, etc.) with you just might save the world.

Insights are wonderful things; they spark the imagination, solve problems, create new realities, gadgets & industries. They move the human race one step further away from the cave. Some people seem to have more insights than others:  they are people who are always imagining— imagining different ways of doing the same things. The wheel comes to mind, as does language, the alphabet, the printing press, the assembly-line, the computer, the internet, and deciphering the dynamics of cross cultural communications.

There are serious implications for people who receive an infusion of insights. [Not for those who came up with the Slinky, the Barbie Doll, or the trashcan for chewing gum.] For theirs is the responsibility to invent and utilize their day-dreamed devices in ways that benefit society, & the world’s peoples. But how does one go about the responsibility of bringing their insights to invention and usefulness? Here are some ideas—

  1. Surround yourself with other insightful people. You probably do this anyway, but if you don’t , well… . Working alone will never carry your idea to fruition.
  2. Find practical people who know how to make things work!  For example—  clever assistants (like mine…, and no, you can’t have her), lawyers, financiers to back the development of your idea, marketers , and patent officers that will protect your idea.
  3. Get used to rejection and failure. What was it Thomas Edison said about the light bulb? He hadn’t failed 10,000 times; he just learned 10,000 ways how not to make a light bulb. You know Post-it Notes, Velcro, the Hamburger—they all took decades to catch on. So be willing to admit it when you don’t quite get it right. Now try it again.
  4. Learn patience.
  5. Believe in what you are doing. Find people who believe in you and in your idea.
  6. Don’t let it consume you. Remember to breathe, spend time with family & friends. (I find that creating 2-3 new ideas at the same time provides me with more balance & reality checks than working on one all consuming idea.)

Remember what Jesus said, “For to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.” (Luke 12:48)  Create wisely, with gusto; enjoy yourself while you’re at it.

Have a nice week.

Gary

thanx

EmPulse for Week of November 23, 2009

thanx

Thanx. Def. “a recently discovered branch of theropods (all bipodal) of the genus Saurischia [species- Dinosaurian], who veered away from their carnivorous ancestors to cultivate a more balanced diet of cheeses, celery, and, occasionally, Voles (Arvicolinae), which were significantly more abundant & larger than their present-day offspring. Thanx of the early Phanerozoic Eon were known to incorporate an nascent form of chocolate (from the cocoa plant) with the latter part of their daily diet.”

Thanx approached extinction as early human civilizations migrated from the Mesopotamian Valley, east, through Asia, and west, toward the Eurasian peninsula. The Far East (China) retained discernable evidence of extant Thanx well into the Christian Era (the Yuanshi era of the Han Dynasty). By the time of the Peoples’ Revolution of 1949-1950, there were no known sightings of Thanx reported to the Western press. Thanx reappeared briefly during the Western Victorian era, but validating their veracity uncovered it to be more of a rouse, a hoax, or merely a societal affectation than any genuine reappearance of the class.

As far as field research and anthropological investigation can determine no Thanx (or very few) have been positively established as genuine indicators of their return to the ecological matrix following the shifts from the post-modern era, and, now, well into, the postChristian eras. This loss has been grievous, though little noted among historical scholars, academicians, the media, nor governmental agencies. Neither society nor the environment have noted the decline in their respective, overall health due to the lack of the exercise of Thanx.

A few environmental scientists, joined, nor surprisingly, by a goodly number of refined philosophers and orthodox religious individuals, are working toward a common goal of recreating the Thanx line through DNA research, with an eye toward the regeneration of the class, and its consequent introduction into the present rubric of society, whatever shape that society might be. You are subsequently invited, by the reading this historical abstract, to join with us in resurrecting the practice of Thanx into our daily lives. It should be such a simple gesture, given all that God has bestowed upon us—mother, father, brother, sister, friends, children, work, shelter, food, faith in God, the love of God, His forgiveness and salvation, freedom to cry…, or to rejoice, the resolution of death…, the hope of the resurrection to come. And, of course, Turkey!

Give thanx.

Have a nice week.

Gary

Fertilizer

Dr, Gary, Davis, Clueless, Christianity, NEEDinc, Fertilizer

I grew up a city kid. The Baltimore harbor-front was my turf. I was in a teenage gang; but we all were in those days; that’s just the way it was. Through my father’s business acquaintances I found a friendship in my total opposite—a farm boy, Asa Sharp. When our families would visit their farm in rural Maryland, Asa and I would always escape to the barn where we would build tunnels & forts through the hay bales. It was a miracle we weren’t killed by their collapsing on top of us.

From below the hay-loft, where the cows were milked, there arose such an awful stench! From the other end of the cow. The cows were making fertilizer…, at no extra cost to the farmer. The smell was so horrible I asked Asa how he ever stood it! He replied “What smell?” (I much preferred the aroma of oil slicks & refuse floating in the Baltimore harbor. The scent of home!)

This past week I received probably the oddest compliment of my life. A well known individual, commenting on a lecture I had just delivered, Growing a postChristian Faith, remarked that I was fertilizer! Now, not a few people have oft noted that they thought I was full of it (it being, well, you know). But this comment went way beyond that; I was no longer merely full-of-it, I WAS IT!

This gentleman went on to remind me that the purpose of fertilizer is to add nutrients to the soil so the seeds can grow. Fertilizer nurtured the seed planted to make both the ground and the young plant more vibrant and full of life. Truly, when I understood, it was probably one of the highest compliments I had ever been paid.

That led me to wonder how many of us are fertilizer to our friends, family, and work associates— nurturing them, feeding their growth, and providing an environment for their healthy journey to maturity? Fertilizing the soil, to receive the seed takes a lot more work. First you need the cows; then you need to feed them; then you need to clean up after them when they make a mew of things; then you need to let their mess sit around a bit, ‘till it settles (sound familiar?); finally, you need to spread their manure all over a freshly tilled field. THEN, you get to plant the seed. Then, you wait for God to work His miracles. It’s just so more natural to yell and scream, to confront and condemn, to cast blame and to judge…, and to simply dump @#$& on people, isn’t it!?! Right, that will produce positive results.

Have a nice week.

Gary

fragile

EmPulse for Week of November 9, 2009

fragile

It was one of exquisite wine goblets, a piece of artwork, really; with a tall, thin stem, holding the finest of globes that made even the finest of wines taste even finer. Its ping rang true to the ear, and resonated to a soothing, restful finish. There two in the set to begin with. Losing the first was dispiriting: watching the other one fall to the floor was more a tragedy that caught the throat and the heart at once.

It is often the finest things in life that are the most fragile—a child’s heart, another’s trust, a rich friendship, a family heirloom, a fine wine goblet. These are the things, when broken, that bring the most pain. There is one more (there are many more), that draws the attention of this writing—the human soul.

The Soul— What is it, exactly? Part of “body, soul, & spirit?” Or is the Soul the simple coupling of Body & Spirit? Theologians have bantered this question around for centuries. Frankly, does it matter that much? The way we use the word today has more to do with personal wounding or a question of the afterlife than anything else. At the very least, on this side of the grave, the human soul can be beaten about, wounded, and hurt very deeply through many assailants, some trusted friends, or family, others, our own emotions and perspectives of life.

The point is, that, if your soul is beaten down enough you become quite fragile, unable to function in daily life without exerting a great deal of energy (read- control) to hold things together. Not unexpectedly, that contributes even more to your fragility, and wears you to the bone. In the end you become terrified of breathing, of living life, not to the fullest, but of living life at all. It is at that point that you are in serious trouble. You need to talk with someone…, quickly.

The human soul is fragile. But the God who made it, made you, is strong. It has always been his design that he would be an integral part of your soul-support, woven into the fabric of every human being. We are not designed to live apart from a deep, rich, casual relationship with the Lord God Creator of the universe. If you do not find yourself in this state, you need to get off your ass and do something about it. Renew, refresh your relationship with the God who made you. If you are at a point in life where you have been beaten about, your soul is weary, and you are not sure you can go on, you need to get some rest. The ensuing holidays (Thanksgiving & Christmas) will not do much to rest your spirit.

Refurbish your soul by resting it, now…, and by feeding it. Get some spiritual food, whatever that is for you. I find a warm fire, substantial time in Scripture and a fine glass of wine work quite well.

Have a nice week.

Gary

Definitions

EmPulse for Week of October 26, 2009

Definitions

  1. Anthraxite – An unpleasant form of fossil fuel.
  2. Bluffalo – A bull that may or may not be about to charge.
  3. Cluckoo clock – A European timepiece that chimes the song of a chicken once every hour.
  4. Deafeat – The result of failing to hear an order to retreat.
  5. Penguini – A kind of pasta developed by Falkland Islanders.
  6. Snyphilis – A contagious nasal drip.
  7. Pseudopseudohypoparathyroidism (pseudoPHP) a word which refers to a lung disease contracted from the inhalation of very fine silica particles, specifically from a volcano. (longest word in an English dictionary)
  8. MAHER-SHALAL-HASH-BAZ (Isaiah 8:1) is the name given to Isaiah’s son, meaning “swift is booty, speedy is prey.”
  9. Abraham (Hebrew) – Father of many.
  10. Barak (Hebrew) – Lightening.
  11. Carol (Olde French) – Melody
  12. Edward (Olde English) – Rich guard.
  13. Hans (Scandinavian) – God is gracious.
  14. Gary (German) – Spear Carrier.
  15. How I define myself – Strong personality, dependent on God, safe/dangerous, complex, creative, positive, risky, relaxed, tenacious, encouraging, gracious, lover, dumb (sometimes), and totally wacky (for starters).
  16. _______(your name)_______ – What words define who you are? [Note– Cheating is allowed. Ask others to contribute their definitions of who you are.]

Have a nice week.

Gary