Let’s start with an article from Psychology Today, 7 Behaviors that Ruin a Relationship— August 8, 2016. Let’s use Dr Lisa Firestone’s seven points as a starting point. (Italics mine.)
- “Having angry reactions to feedback instead of being open to it.” View any disagreement with your way of thinking as an attack.
- “Being closed to new experiences instead of open to new things.” Never do anything for the first time.
- “Using deception and duplicity instead of honesty and integrity.” It is far more important that you never let them know who you really are. Living a life of honesty and integrity can expose you to manipulation and exploitation. HIDE!
- “Overstepping boundaries instead of showing respect for them. Never allow another person to be their own person.” They have no rights or boundaries. You are in control.
- “Showing a lack of affection, and inadequate, impersonal, or routine sexuality instead of physical affection and personal sexuality.” Withholding love and affection for another is the cruelest way of hurting them. It puts you in control of the relationship instead of making your relationship’s health the central focus.
- “Misunderstanding instead of understanding.” Understanding another person’s mindset or opinion is not important to you. You don’t need to understand them. They must simply obey you without question.
- “Being manipulative, dominant, or submissive.” Whether you are trying to be the passive one, or the dominant manipulative one, you goal is to be in control. This is a perfect way to destroy a relationship.
Dr. Firestone’s article nails it on the head. Keep others OUT: tower over as much around you as possible. React, conceal, stealthily rule; do not engage in any positive affirmation. Intentionally withhold love, trust, transparency, and truth. Basically, ingenious ways of wounding another person (or group) deeply.
Or, more directly, if you want to destroy a relationship, be it with your wife, lover, employer, or friend, you have the tools and spirit within you to do it. But before you do, certain things need to be in place—
- Harden your heart. Make sure you are callous enough to ignore the affects you are creating for the other to bear. Your intention is to be cold and callous, inconsiderate of any pain you are causing.
- Prepare for the consequences. Coldly treating someone may reverberate in a whiplash of vitriolic retribution against you, and those you know.
Or, you could seek forgiveness and reconciliation with the other. This is Not eating-crow, or groveling (unless a little groveling is necessary). This is admitting that neither you or the other person, or group, are perfect. It takes a much stronger person to seek forgiveness and reconciliation than to merely destroy the relationship.
Choose your course of action wisely.
NEXT DISCUSSION: Your Personality and the Way You Love: you are how you love.
Familiar with the taste of crow,