Insignificant significance

A theme that continues to pop up both in counseling and business these days is that of significance. Am I significant? What does it mean to be significant? How will I know if I am significant? There seems to be an inherent fear of being insignificant in all of us. We dread living lives of mediocre existence, of humdrum sameness, of being no more than background noise in the grand symphony of life.

Yet few of us who live seemingly insignificant lives realize the significant roles we play in the journeys of those around us. Many years ago I gave a lecture at Middlebury College on the importance of blending ones scholarly worldview with everyday practicalities— like taking out the trash. Eight years later I ran into a successful businessman in Mad Martha’s Ice Cream on Martha’s Vineyard who reiterated the eight points of my talk back to me; and then he thanked me for changing the course of his life. I didn’t even remember speaking at Middlebury College, let alone what I had said. What I deemed an insignificant lecture was quite significant for someone else.

Often, what we consider an insignificant act is used by God as something of great significance. “God is in the details.” once said Ludwig Mies van der Rohe (1886-1969), a German born American architect. It’s the little things that one does in life that are the ultimate contribution. Only a few are designated to discover the great mysteries of our God. [And you may yet be one of them.]

But there is a flip side to this coin too. There are hundreds of thousands of people whom the leaders of our society deem insignificant. The “little people,” the hoi-polloi, the middle class, the lower class; the people who matter not a grain of salt until the next election. If you believe you fit into this category, do not disdain your status in life; for you are truly mistaken. You are higher than the rulers of this world. The little acts of kindness, your heart of forgiveness and graciousness, add to your measure more than anyone with the power to govern a nation with a hand of might. Do not think of yourself as insignificant, a stay-at-home-mom, or a dad working far below his educational level; you are giving to others what you can to the best of your ability. You are of little insignificance; you are, rather, quite significant, beyond what you imagine.

Life should not be about the pursuit of trophies. To be sure, in sports, trophies are appropriate, as are markers through rites-of-passage, and awards for great achievement (like graduating from elementary school or receiving the Nobel Prize). But our significance, no matter our station in life, should come within— from the humbling realization that whether we like it or not, we are mirror reflections of the God of the universe. This alone should elicit a desire in us to contribute to the significance of others. Is this what you are about? Is it part of your company’s ethos and core values? Does your church seek to serve those outside its walls or only the faithful? (We already have Country Clubs doing just that.)

Significance, like beauty, is found in the eye of the beholder. You cannot make yourself significant. You can only BE significant. Your significance lies within the core of your Being. Rest assured in that. What you DO may never be noticed; but it will never be insignificant. We are all made of greater stuff.

Have a nice week,

Gary

sunday morning pancakes

It’s no wonder so few people go to church. With our weekday jam-packed schedules, Saturdays running kids around to sports practices, home repair, grocery shopping, lawn (or snow) maintenance, finishing up some office work (shame on you), and, if we’re lucky, a college ball game thrown in; then maybe a dinner out with friends?!? Yeah, Sunday morning pancakes sound really good— leisurely, with blueberries, recently tapped AA grade New England Maple syrup, with fresh squeezed orange juice, Columbian Supremo coffee, Canadian bacon…, on the deck, or around the fire place. Either way it carries us to a time of refreshment and rest; whether with friends or family, Sunday mornings draws us into a place of peace & restoration. Now if churches would only serve pancakes… . O, never mind.

We live a pace of life that allows for few periods of rest, few times for revival for our bodies, of refreshment for our souls. Weekends often leave us exhausted for another week of work or family responsibilities. Vacations find us so tired from work that we need a minimum of 2 weeks off just to detach from the speed of our daily lives. The probability of sequential mini-breakdowns increases with each passing year. And high blood-pressure…, you probably already have it.

Ergo, we return to Sunday morning pancakes. Sunday morning is probably the only time in your week that you have to STOP and feed your spirit. What I’m talking about is pancakes! Heaps of ‘em! With friends. Sharing the joys and woes of the previous week. (Pass the Maple Syrup again, please. O, and some more coffee!) And if you find yourself in Jackson Hole, WY, drop into Jedediah’s. You’ll feel right at home as you’re served a breakfast like you’ve never imagined!

The point is simple. Each of us needs to set aside some time during our week when we put off the busyness of life to renew our spirits and restore our souls. Pancakes drenched in whipped cream & smothered with blueberries will go a long way towards renewing our spirits. But to refresh our soul, well, only the God who made us can do that properly. And there is no substitute, just like “genuine maple Syrup.” You need to find a church with a community of fellow (exhausted) travelers, just like you, who need a reminder from God about who you are. Jesus Christ came to redeem sinners. Like you: like me.

Let the God who made you minister to your body & soul Sunday mornings. Then hit the blueberries & whipped cream.

Have a nice week,

Gary

coffee

I don’t need coffee. Really, I don’t. I like coffee—good coffee, that is; but I don’t need it. I merely enjoy a mug of good coffee every day. Usually two. JUST WHAT DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT WHAT I AM SAYING!?! Ok, so I fear to talk with God (or anyone else) without at least two mugs in me, that doesn’t mean that I’m dependent on it! Does it?

The caffeine in coffee is a stimulant. Surprisingly, there are 115-175 mg of caffeine in every cup of drip coffee, versus 100 mg in a cup of espresso. Hum. There are also antioxidants that aid in preventing liver cancer and other diseases. The coffee bean (or seed) is grown in over 175 countries around the world, making coffee one of the most traded commodities in the world. Most people drink coffee for the quick energy boost it provides. Others, drink it as a cultural practice, or as a moral responsibility. However you see it, coffee seems here to stay as both a stimulant and as a means for social networking.

In recent years there have been a number of spin-offs from coffee to further enhance our stimulation. Ice coffee, lattes, espressos, caramel macchiatos, and even coffee lozenges; stimulation without the social dynamic, as it were. But our need for external stimulation doesn’t end there. We also have Gatorade, Red Bull, and Power drinks, all loaded with enough salt and/or sugars to fuel your adrenalin-rush to reach earth orbit. Exercise (running especially) does the trick for others. But most of us just chug down yet another mug o’ joe to keep going for yet another hour.

It’s almost as if we have all become addicted to adrenalin-rush. Do our lives feel so flat that we need that little extra “umph” to lift our spirits and improve our performance? So, other than coffee (the elixir of the gods), what kinds of things stimulate you to that enhanced life you crave? Sex, drugs, rock ‘n roll? Extreme sports? Speed (automotive)? Compassion for our world’s dismissed peoples? The will to win, to be the best you can be? To please God? To serve your country, your family, your faith? Or just to be independent and depend on no one else… ever.

After a time, many of us slowly seep into a kind of unconscious humdrum of life’s responsibilities. We are blind to the vibrant colors of the sunset over the deep green of a forest. All we see are all the trees that need to be cleared. It becomes simpler to look down at what we’re doing than to lift our eyes to the road ahead; and so we lose our way in the everyday. Stimulation, therefore, plays an important role in our lives…, but maybe from a different class. JOY lifts our hearts. LOVE makes us fly. TRAGEDY teaches us the importance of the little things— of caring, of spending time, of reexamining our priorities and interpersonal relationships. PRAISE kindles our resolve…, & pats us on the back a little. GOING FOR IT teaches us endurance and perseverance. PAIN reminds us or our frailty. FAILURE reminds us we need others. FEAR reminds us we need God.

So after you’ve had your third cup of java today, try one of the other kinds of stimulant in your life. I use PRAYER to realign focus. And MUSIC. But right now I could really use another Latte.

Have a nice week.

Gary

driving in traffic

Name some things in life that slow you down. It’s not just traffic; though that can be a real nuance sometime, or, twice a day…, everyday. But there are other things in life that slow you down as well. Waiting for other people to finish their piece of a project so you can get started on your piece. Solving a problem that just won’t resolve. Depression/Anger (flip a coin). Conflicting class schedules. Delayed Passports, flight departures, turkey’s baking, kids, retarded gas-pumps, check-out lines, Bank processes, taxi’s, broken down equipment (tractors, oil rigs, irrigation pumps, hydraulic compressors, pens that run out of ink), kids again, and, of course, traffic.

Then, at some point along the journey we call life, we find out we are slowing ourselves down. Getting stuck in a job, afraid to move forward. Fear of failure. Lackadaisical about learning—we just quit thinking. Emotional grey-toned—no passion for anything, anyone, nada. We find ourselves living with a total lack of interest or energy for anything: truly, we are merely existing, one foot in front of the other, no deviation from the pattern, day-in, day-out. You come to be at ease with the laborious pace of driving in traffic. Brake—go. Brake—go. Brake—go. Brake—go.

So, what’s the secret to breaking free from things that slow you down in life? For starters, hit the gas with these ideas—

1. Frustration—determination—more frustration—resolution—MORE FRUSTRATION—Action! DO something to get moving.

2. Find a friend, a mate, who will listen, but also advise you, either professionally or personally.

3. Kick yourself in the, well, you know; and if you’re not up to it, ask someone you trust to do it! Stop whining.

4. In the Christian Scripture there is some good advice— “Commit your work to the Lord and your plans will be established.” (Proverbs 16:3) An admonishment well heeded.

5. Learn to overcome fear with either sheer determination or adamant, blind shots-in-the-dark. Both will get you through.

6. Corroborate with companions, stronger than yourself, who will let you draw on their strength, willingly.

There will always be traffic; there will always be things in life that will slow you down. The trick is to not get stuck.

In closing, as a reward, for those of you with greater ambition, I leave you with this. And if you have to ask… .

Have a nice week.

Gary

triggers

What sets you off? You know…, those little experiences or events that make something inside you go POP! Psychologically, these are called triggers— a stimulus that evokes a response pattern. Triggers have been used intentionally to activate sleeper spies, to provoke an argument as a deflection from the main point, or to tantalize a young lady through a simple touch. Unintentionally, we respond to buzz words (Jesus, @#$%, whatever, thank-you, nigger, jerk, etc), déjà vu situations, anger, aromas, and sounds that draw up recollections pleasant, or not so pleasant, from our past. Triggers set us off. They ignite something within us that changes our behavior for good or ill.

Some personalities explode upon the stimulus of a trigger. Other personality types (most notably, Brits) respond with a greater degree of civility, at least externally. Neither is more/less mature that the other: they are merely factors of personality and cultural propriety. The more “restrained” person merely has learned to put a lid on it, though seething animosity continues to ferment within.

Beliefs are quite another matter. They are the guiding principles by which we manage our lives and perceive the world around us. They tend to be systematic morés, firmly ensconced at the foundation or our being: they are, for the most part, consistent, cohesive, and compelling of the way we live. Here, too, triggers can have an effect. Some external experiences can rekindle our beliefs to become more fervent and play a more dominant role in our lives, like a blatant injustice, or a natural catastrophe, or genuine remorse for real guilt. Other triggers, like an insatiable lust, or desire for revenge, can demolish the connection we have with our beliefs in an instant. Though the beliefs may still be intact, they now offer little comfort or compass to regain our bearings. Triggers, clearly, can have a positive or negative effect on any of us.

But the questions I want you to grapple with through this emPulse are these—

What are your triggers? What sets you off? Positively? or Negatively?
What does it take for you to get so mad that you will finally DO something and make a difference?
If Jesus railed at the market-vendors He found in the Temple and drove them out with a whip, but sat still as a prostitute cleaned His feet with costly perfume, why do you believe you must always respond with the same demeanor to all situations?

Now, if you are content to live a simple, unruffled, composed, calculated, cautious, and calm life, just ignore all of the above. You have other issues to deal with.

Have a nice week.

Gary

weapons of self-destruction

We’ve all met someone who seems to have a built-in self-destruct button. They make consistently bad decisions; some of them life threatening. We worry about these people; we try to help them; and, sometimes, we stay as far away from them as possible. Their personal annihilation often drains the life out of those around them.

Much more delicately, however, each of us fabricate our own weapons of self-destruction. Not intentionally, of course, but we do it nonetheless. Here are a few WSDs I’ve observed in people.

· Over-commitment	· Short-changing on sleep	· Peopled-out
· No time alone, down-time	· Work is life: life is work	· No time for even one friend
· Afraid to adapt, change, grow	· Constant headaches	· Loss of life’s excitement

There are more WSDs, to be sure. But these are the most obvious to others; if we’re honest, we’ve all sensed some of these signs in ourselves at one time or another. The question is what we DO about them. Here’s my next list for defusing some of these devices and lessening the extent of damage they can do in our lives.

1. Take stock of your life. Not just a cursory band-aid review, but a full-fledged assessment of who you are and what you are doing. You may want a sounding-board person to help you establish an honest perspective on yourself.

2. GO TO BED! Sorry, you DO need 8 hours. Talk with your doctor about a sleep-aid if necessary.

3. For a time, limit the people in your life to a balance of feeders and drainers. i.e.- you need to be fed as you give out.

4. Get away. Go for a walk (daily, alone), go to a hotel (no TV), get out in the woods…, something.

5. Create a life that is separate from work. Anything. Take up knitting! Snow-football. Watch-making. Anything.

6. You have to have at least one friend with whom you are completely safe. Find ‘em, feed ‘em, laugh with them.

7. Start by brushing your teeth differently, then shift from boxers to briefs & vice-versa. Try doing something completely unusual for you. Hug people you’ve never hugged before. Smile at your enemies; send them gifts. Anything!

8. Headaches are our body’s cues that we are pushing too much. [Some people can push more than others.] Go to a medical doctor and get some perspective…, and some proper medication.

9. If nothing in life excites you any longer you are in the grasp of some form of depression. You need to talk to a professional counselor, psychologist, etc. more than anything the loss of a zest for life will destroy you. DO NOT let this WSD run its course.

Remember, it is never too late to regain your equilibrium in life. Our Creator did not make us to fall apart; that’s our doing. Let Him help rebuild your life into something remarkable, full of life, and maybe a little outrageous!

Have a nice week.

Gary

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