Underneath it all, if we’re honest within, we all identify with something that is at our core. John, who is Irish, prompted this response (“I’m not Irish…, I’m only human.”), from Doug, another friend. It struck me that John truly was Irish. Though he was not Ireland born, everything about him bespoke of his Irish heritage. He looked and felt like someone who had just descended the cliffs to the moors with that damp exhaustion that craved a pint o’ Guinness. John found solace in the asceticism of spiritual retreat at monastic centers and enclaves near and far; he found his faith expressed in the ancient forms of meditation and retreats of silence from the frantic demands of daily life. He knew God in ways that few in our postModern/postChristian commercialistic society could bear; not that we all couldn’t use some silent escape more frequently.

Living out our faith, beliefs, core values, is difficult for Atheist, Muslim, Jew, or follower of Christ. We ALL are pressed by the world in which we live to conform so some monolithic, homogenous behavior ethos that seeks to disperse with individual principles for the sake of the whole. “Anyone can adhere to whatever beliefs they chose…, as long as those beliefs do not affect the functioning of society at large.” But this is an inoperable axiom. Are there truly any among us whose beliefs do not impact both our individual actions and bear an influence on our interface with those around us?!? Core values surge through everything we do; they shape belief, lifestyle, relationship principles, etc. [Incongruously, we often throw off our beliefs and values when it comes to sex and success. More on that later.]

Now I need to come-out. I am NOT Irish, though I have a keen penchant for Jameson. I am of Danish/Welsh heritage. My ancestors hold the dubious distinction of bashing in the heads of Saxons and milking cows—not, most likely, at the same time. They did sing a lot, though. But my ancestral heritage is not my core value, my life-definer; my life-reference-point goes further back. It goes all the way back to the founding of the universe, to the creation of this planet; it is grounded in the relationship I sustain with the God who created all that there is—  Jesus Christ. His stability and permanence, and the principles by which He directs us to live, are at the basis of my core values, beliefs, and daily actions.

If you are an Atheist, Jew, Muslim, or whatever, you should not agree with this.  I would challenge you to reexamine your life to see if you are, in fact, living by the principles you say form the basis for your life. Wouldn’t it be fun, sometime, to talk about our differences to see how we can work together to bring more peace into this world?

Have a nice week.

Gary

EmPulse for Week of February 15, 2010

… and the band played on

The Band Played On, also known as Casey would waltz with a strawberry blonde, was a popular song, with lyrics by John F. Palmer and music by Charles B. Ward, written in 1895. The lyrics of the refrain are:

.

.

Casey would waltz with a strawberry blonde

As the band played on;

He’d glide ‘cross the floor with the girl he adored

As the band played on;

Well, his brain was so loaded

It nearly exploded

The poor girl would shake with alarm;

He’d ne’er leave the girl with the strawberry curl

As the band played on.

Almost a century later, in 1987, it was used as part of a book title to represent an attitude of governmental indifference and political infighting in the United States over what was perceived to be a specifically gay disease—  And the Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic written by San Francisco Chronicle journalist Randy Shilts.

In this first decade of the 21^st century the music and lyrics are all but forgotten; or are they? It still pops up as muzak in elevators, WalMart, art-films, and Titanic movies. Invariably, it finds its way into every Guy Lombardo classic. And I have no idea why it’s been running through my head these past couple days.

… and the band played on brings to mind the safety of sameness, of settling into a life-pattern, the regularity of a schedule, and the reliability of cohesive-consistency in life-style and demeanor. It raises an image in the mind of placid peacefulness that is not pale, but solid, serene, secure. D-e-p-e-n-d-a-b-i-l-i-t-y ! A quality of significant merit in our present social structure.

For many people it is their simple, reliant contribution to the stability of family and workplace. For others, it is a façade; for they are enraged within, a boiling caldron of conflicting emotions & life-philosophies. And still, for others, establishing this cohesive-consistency to life shields them from having to confront the conflicts that surround them— at work, at home, within themselves, even in the oddities of governmental directives. They hide within the safety and complacency of their well-ordered lives, trying as best they can to stay unruffled by any external assaults to their protected patterns.

This is not living.

Living is more like managing chaos and hoping for the best. Whether you are performing surgery, planning a mission to Mars (whoops, forgot budget cuts), or the annual spring cleaning, you know full well that it all gets messy. Life is not neat. If you are in complete control of your life then you either have a very small life or you harbor a secret fear of stepping out of your comfort-zone. In short, you have trapped yourself within, and are falling short of the greatness God holds out to you.

Picture yourself in a ballroom, with people whirling all around— beautiful paintings on the walls, crystal chandeliers above giving off a sunset warmth, and the most enchanting music playing. “and the band played on.” You— pressed against the wall in a corner.

Wouldn’t you rather be dancing?

Have a nice week.

Gary

EmPulse for Week of February 8, 2010

fear of being known

Ten years ago I lost one of the best Executive Assistants I have ever had—  to marriage. It was a bitter-sweet parting. I was excited for her to begin her new life while dreading the thought of the immense effort it would take to teach someone all the intricacies of NEEDinc. Just before she left we had our debriefing, our exit-interview. As I reviewed her incredible services to NEED, and to me, her somewhat scattered, visionary, prophetic, CEO, she rehearsed what I needed to do to make sure her replacement understood both the good and the bad of working with me. [Was I really that clueless a boss?]

As we wound down I asked her what she most looked forward to in being married. She answered with the usual young bride-to-be responses—the safety, the love, the end to the hunt for the right one, etc. Then I asked her if she had any concerns about getting married; with little hesitancy she replied “Being known.” The thought of living 24/7 with the same person for the rest of her life terrified her. I tried to assure her that that was actually the best part of marriage. She was not assuaged. Of course, today, she looks back at herself and wonders at her needless anxiety…, and laughs.

Still, there are many leaders, Christian, political, and business, who wear a mask, a persona—who fear being uncovered, found-out, exposed for who they really are if their façade of bravado, or pseudo-confidence were to be ripped asunder. Some, with good reason: because they are pretentious manipulators, users of others; but not all. Many leaders are genuinely…, well, genuine. Of a truth, degrees of transparency are still tied intrinsically and socially to degrees of intimacy and propriety. But for some, the very idea of anyone else knowing who they truly are horrifies them. What if they find out my fears? My failures? What if my wife discovers I was unfaithful once…, twice? What if those under my charge learn I don’t always know what to do, that I fake it? What if that perpetual underlying struggle I have with sin emerges? What if… ? What if… ? Their fear seethes just below the surface, binding them ever more tightly to their artificial avatar.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Confession is good for the soul, is still true. True to God, for sure. We ALL need His forgiveness and mercy. But also to those we’ve wronged. Saying something that is not true is not to misspeak; it is a lie.

Overcoming a fear of being known is not a simple matter. It starts with little revelations, small disclosures that test the worthiness, the trustworthiness, of another. This often takes years. It helps if you have skills in reading people; you can weed out those who care and those who don’t much more easily when you have these abilities. But the key ingredient to overcoming a fear of being known is to realign the foundation of who you are, your core values, that which makes you…, YOU, to come into line with the very God who made you. If you are not comfortable with the people around you knowing you, then you can be sure that being known by the God of the Universe is a terrifying, absolutely petrifying matter.

Even here there is good news and bad news. First, the good news— He already knows you; He knows everything you think, do, plan to do, etc. The good and the bad. And He accepts you the way you are. Now the bad news— He already knows you. The good and the bad. He accepts you the way you are; but He will not leave you the way you are. He needs you to represent Him and accomplish His MISSION on this earth. For that, you must change, be different, less self confident, more confident in Him. He needs you not to fear being known, but to rest in the reality that He knows you, all of us, intimately. And He wants all of us to enter into His Kingdom and to live by the principles He has set down for our protection. He wants us to enter His Heaven…, on His terms, not on ours. In the mean time, we should be making a difference in the here-and-now with who we are, rather than expending a great deal of energy pretending to be someone we are not.

So if you are afraid of being known…, give it up. It’s too late. You already ARE known. “Fear not… !”

Have a nice week.

Gary

When couples come to me for pre-marital counseling I give them a list of seven things to discuss before we have our first appointment. The 7 Fs of Marriage— friends, family, failure, finances, faith, forgiveness, & the future. Each individual is instructed to write down their thoughts on each F and then discuss them with their probable life-mate. When we come to the question of finances I ask them to start by considering their answers to a simple question—

What is the purpose of money?

Sometimes I need to provide the history of money—how it arose, came to replace bartering, coin being represented by paper tender, etc. [I get really weird looks when I do this.]  But it is a question most people have never thought through except to answer “to buy stuff.” Duh.

So, what IS the purpose of money? To get rich? Once rich you can buy a lot of stuff:  LOTS of stuff! And then what…, buy more stuff?!? You can buy a Rolls-Royce, a mansion, two mansions, an island, a company, or the control of government in an emerging country (yes, even parts of America). But then what? Money can also make a difference; save lives, fund medical research, feed the poor, correct injustice, build bridges across rivers and between peoples. It can be used for personal gain, communal well-fare, or global graciousness.

Europe and North America have long held the dominant weight of the world’s wealth, with Eastern China rising rapidly to augment this imbalance. National solvency should be an attainable goal; it is an honorable goal. [The US national Debt aside…, if that is possible…, which it shouldn’t be, but is.] Yet it is not as critical as spreading the wealth around the world to peoples who are in desperate need of help. Wealthier nations should be willing to sacrifice for the sake of people in need, regardless of their nation’s place in the global Coliseum.

When it comes to personal generosity shouldn’t each of us feel a sense of need-to-give? The reality is that we do not; we’d rather buy just one more thing, whatever it might be— a movie, another meal out, another outfit, more shoes, a newer car, a second vacation home, computer stuff. Two Latte’s a week from Starbuck’s adds up to @ $375 a year? The cost of an average meal out (for two) is just under $40.00 (incl. tip); that’s about $2,000 a year…, for an average meal! Shoes…, no, not going there.

Isn’t it time for each of us to think about spreading the wealth around? No matter your income bracket, you can give something! Somewhere! Even if you have to cut that second Latte. If you don’t have to cut anything, if you don’t have to sacrifice in order to give…, seriously, why aren’t you giving? Ask God what amount of $$$ He wants you to live on; what percentage of your total income can be spread around to make a greater difference in this world; and with what amount of $$$ He wants you to be purely gracious. Literally.

SPREADING THE WEALTH AROUND helps us discern the difference between what we desire in life, and what we truly require for living productive, fun-filled, gracious lives. Security is not, nor has it ever been, found in stuff: it flows, actually, from an open heart that has learned to trust the Truth, to care for those in need, and to be gracious to any and all.

Have a nice week.

Gary

EmPulse for Week of January 11, 2010

Definition: adj. Sticking to an opinion, purpose, or course of action in spite of reason, arguments, or persuasion. [http://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/OBSTINATE ]

People get stubborn about the dumbest things. That head of lettuce, a parking space, the remote-control, how to turn right, teenage hair color, the order of the Apocalypse, being right about the smallest differences, or, just being right…, all the time. We bicker over the placement of a paper-clip dispenser on a workmate’s desk, the precision of words in a vision statement (adding months of verbiage & discussion instead of action), the reordering of the products in Walmart (after you finally figured out where everything is), and, forgive me, the direction of the spin of the toilet paper roll. Toothpaste tubes are a whole other story!

When will we learn that some things just aren’t worth fighting for or about!?! Here are some things worth fighting for—

1. Getting a grasp on our personal values and determining the extent that they affect our daily lives and actions.
2. Finding every person you meet as valuable as yourself and not demeaning them simply because they are different in race, religion, or body type.
3. Accepting the reality that people, basically, are not naturally seeking to make this world a better place; they are seeking to make it a better place for themselves. Then graciously drawing them to change their minds.
4. Being the first to seek reconciliation and restitution in times of stress or distance between friends, family, or even nations. Obstinate positioning only leads to bloodshed, be it literal or figurative. Everybody loses.
5. Believing in God doesn’t make anyone His judge on earth. If you want to do His work on this planet, try working for justice, seeking peace between warring parties, bringing compassion into the middle of hatred or hunger, or providing a vibrant meal for those who despise you. Offer practical care for people who are in obvious need.
6. Be insistent about teaching ethics in our classrooms. Not just one belief system of ethical behavior, but multiple perspectives. Discuss them openly, without fear of condemnation. Truth holds her own authenticity.
7. Be willing to call evil, EVIL. Don’t bother with wrangling over its definition; evil also conveys its own authenticity. Name it for what it is. E-v-i-l.  It is as much a spiritual entity as it is a natural one.

If it is in our nature to be obstinate, adamant, dogged, hardheaded, hardhearted, headstrong, immovable, implacable, inflexible, mulish, obdurate, opinionated, pigheaded, stubborn, unbending, unrelenting, unyielding, or just plain willful, then let’s be so about things that matter and leave the toilet paper rolls and toothpaste tubes to the idiots of this world.

Have a nice week.

Gary

EmPulse for Week of January 3, 2010

2010 on the lam

On-the-lam—  Popular American slang for “on the run” (19th century.) The root of “lam” is the Old Norse word “lamja,” meaning “to make lame;” the original meaning of “lam,” when it first appeared in English in the 16th century, was “to beat soundly;” from a Scandinavian root meaning “thrash or flog.” The change in the meaning of “lam” from “beat” to “run away” probably echoed another slang term for running away—”beat it,” or “lam it” —  to rapidly beat the road with one’s feet by running, just as sheep do when they smell mint sauce.” [ http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/13/messages/1182.html ]

It sneaks up on you doesn’t it? Time, I mean. Now we’re in a new decade in the 21^st Century. How did we get here? Weren’t Y2K, 9/11, & the Gulf Wars just yesterday!?! We’re still in a Recession, right? Unemployment is still up around 10%. And Afghanistan + Iran loom on the horizon are a sure future for many young men and women. These are not the greatest of times for many of us; they are challenging times, difficult times, calling on each of us to draw on deeper resources of strength, wisdom, and finesse.

Most of us live under the pressures of these times on a daily basis. We face decisions about our homes & cars, our futures, our finances, and how we are going to juggle everything and still make a contribution to the world around us. If the truth be known, many of us have stopped thinking about “making a contribution” altogether. When a society succumbs to this mentality it is in danger of thoroughly degrading to the utilitarian, where everyman is out for himself, and human decency degenerates to that of the lowest common denominator. In some ways we’re already there.

So 2010 comes upon us with some degree of ambivalence. This new decade holds out the usual hope that things will turn around and life will get better. But this time, that hope doesn’t feel quite so assured. It shares the stage with fear and anxiety that things just might NOT get better; that this is the new American dream…, or living nightmare, for our foreseeable future.

Personally, I prefer to make things better before they get here. I’m a fighter. As a counselor I have seen so many clients come through my door who have given up—hope, solutions, and even dreaming. Their lives are pictures of despair on dope; they truly do not believe they can find a way out of their living death. There are chemical imbalances that can be corrected in this condition, to be sure; but the real issue is one of persistence and a willingness to fight; to fight yourself, your emotions, your exhaustion, and your lethargy. Believe me, I have lived in those periods of life-despondency where I just didn’t care anymore. It was a long, hard battle to climb out of that self-created hole.

So as 2010 is now in its first full week of the space-time continuum, maybe we should steel our wills to go with the currents of her ebb and flow; all the while, plotting to undermine any attempts to sink us or our friends, or our families, or our faith. Set your heart, your mind, and your will to one of overcoming whatever will come your way. None of us can determine the curve balls that life throws at us. We can, however, decide in advance what our stance, attitude, and response will be to those situations. Entering 2010 on the lam won’t help any of us face the challenges of this new decade with any confidence or grace.

Maybe you can’t decide what your life situation will be in this coming year, or decade. But you can determine who you will be as a person, and how you will respond to life’s little dilemma’s that try to destroy you. And remember, if you have the God of the universe as an ally, there isn’t much the evil one can do to shake your life to crumbling.

Have a nice week.

Gary

Upon further reflection, contemplation, and response to your comments, there seem to be a much deeper level of WSDs than we touched on in the initial article. These WSDs are far more serious and have far reaching consequence. For your sober consideration then… —

1. Pretending— putting on a façade, playing a role, as if you were in a stage play. Whether this is a façade of faith or the sham of success, it remains, nonetheless, a pretension of life that prevents you from becoming the man/woman God intends you to be.
2. Believing yourself to be someone you are not. This goes a step beyond #1; for it is not a pretension— it is a delusion, a self-deception that you come to believe as true which is not true. This kind of reality-fantasy, if allowed to continue, can cause a disruption between grasping what is real and what is un-real.
3. Ignoring observations— Being part of community is essential to lead a life with unambiguous perspective. We all need the commentary, critiques, and compliments of others to gain a clearer understanding of who we are and how we fit into the whole. Balance. Otherwise, we will most naturally grow a higher opinion of ourselves than is deserved.
4. Embitterment— Harboring resentment for wrongs done to you in the past will devour your spirit, your relationships, and your joy. Personally, the hardest thing I live with is the lack of resolution in relationships. Some, I still live with…, but not with any sense of contentment. Learn to let go.
5. Fear— What is it that chains your soul to the floor and keeps you from trusting ? Trusting yourself, your skills and abilities, trusting those around you, those you work with…, God? Fear is the great destroyer of hearts, the dungeon of the mind, and the dehydrator of the spirit. I do not treat this WSD lightly; but I know full-well that unless you face your fears directly you will remain trapped within them.
6. Insignificance— If, in your mind, you are not making a difference, you are not important to anyone, anywhere, and you believe your life is of little to no value to anyone, then you will eventually evaporate into emptiness— a blank page in the history of family and society. If you believe this, then you are truly out of touch with real-reality. NO ONE is insignificant!
7. Loss of faith— No belief in anything. This naturally (eventually) leads to cynicism, depression, and an extreme sullenness about life.
8. Living life as if there were no God— Of all the weapons of self-destruction this one (to be sure, there are more) is the most destructive. Faith is, well, a matter of faith, based on belief in historical reporting and accurate recording of events; it is also the response to those compiled coincidences in your life that point to some divine intervention, whether you like it or not. Some people believe there is no god; but it is wiser to live life as if there were, with all the blessings and consequences that belief entails.
9. Living without relationships— A life of isolation will be a brief one. If you want to destroy your soul drop out of community and tell yourself you can make it on your own…, alone. You are already dead.
10. Deciding not–to-love— Whether because of an earlier broken heart or betrayal, or a fear of being hurt again, deciding not to love will also destroy your soul. If you are incapable of loving you will most inadvertently become unable to receive love as well. What then is your life but the production of things.

May this list of WSDs encourage you to eliminate them all from your life.

Have a nice week.

Gary