Tag: human nature

Challenging Challenges: An Inability to Trust

     Most of us would agree that trust is essential to human nature and human relationships. And, of course, to the affection and affinity we share with man’s greatest friend— our dog. What is it about dogs that draw us to them? What is it about us that draws them to us? Frankly, I don’t care. There’s just something special in the relationship between a human and their dog that is beyond description. A codependent bond not to be broken or challenged.

     So, when someone seems to exhibit an inability to trust other people, red flags should go off in our EQ [Emotional Quotient].

     There are many reasons people lose the ability to trust. Betrayal probably ranks up there at the top. Being used is another. Long-term insecurity contributes to a fear of trusting. So does fear of living. Another is loss; loss of love, loss of a life. Loss of interest in living (very dangerous).

     The challenge is twofold— Do you want to trust others again? and How do you get there?

     Some pain cuts so deeply that you truly doubt you will ever be able to trust anyone again. It’s not that forgiveness is impossible, although sometime even that takes time, if it ever comes at all. But trusting again…, that’s another issue altogether.

     The process of trusting starts with a softening of your heart. A hard heart holds a grudge, plots revenge, seeks to destroy the other person (group). Then, it is a decision— a commitment to trust God and let your heart be open to trust again. I’m not saying this is simple. It is not. But it’s a start.

     There’s a principle in the Christian Scriptures that reads

Do not let the sun go down on your anger. [Ephesians 4:26]

Easy, no. Necessary, yes. Cleaning out resentment and bitterness is a necessary component toward learning to trust again. Ask me how I know.

     If you decide to NOT trust again you will miss out on success, joy, sorrow, relationships, and the risks involved in claiming an incredible life. Personally, I’d rather take the risk of trusting again than wallowing in self-pity, isolation, and emptiness.

     God did not design us to live alone. It’s not good for people. We need one another. Granted, some of us would rather curl up with a good book than engage people at a social gathering. My wife is the former: I, the latter. The ingredient to our success has been the commitment we made to each other at our wedding and the prior commitment we made to honor God in our relationship. It hasn’t always been easy. But after 50 years of marriage (June 5th) we’ve got a few things figured out.

     I would encourage you to learn to trust again. It will take work, eventually, forgiveness, and a new commitment to live your life to the fullest. Plus, you may just smile a bit more. And, get a dog.

Honor God, honor people, make a difference,

Gary

Dr. Gary Davis, President

Simple Questions

Too often in life we believe there is a simple answer for everything. Some believe that the simplest answer is most probably the right one. And, in some cases, that is true. But the more we learn, as created beings, the more we discover that this created realm in which we live is far more wondrous and sophisticated than we ever could have imagined.

Take gravity, for example; before Einstein who would have imagined that is was due to the curvature of space?!? Or, that before Watson & Crick, all life is based on a double helix molecular strand, our Deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), that encodes the development of all life? Or, that, before Howard Gardner, there were different forms of intelligence, not measurable by standardized IQ tests? (Visual Kinesthetic, for one.)

In studying human nature the jury is still out. Are we basically good, evil, or a mixture of both? Can our human nature change? Can our basic personality change? None of these are simple questions, nor do they have simple answers.

Nonetheless, we crave simple answers. Why? Because complicated, complex answers are too much work. We’ve become a people whose lives are so complicated and busy that having to deal with anymore complication is just too much! If the questions were simple, other people would already have provided the simple answers. The reality of the matter is— that for every complex, complicated question, there is a complex, complicated answer; which, sometime, can be boiled down to a v-e-r-y simple answer. Sometimes. Not all the time.

The point is that we need to face both the difficult, convoluted questions, as well as the ones that resolve simply. When we initially face them, how can we know which is which? Well, some questions scream complication. With other questions, the answer seems obvious. So do we give up when the simple answer turns out to have more facets than we originally thought? I would hope not. [Please note, though—this comes from a man who does not hesitate to ask for directions. After earning five graduate degrees I have come to understand just how little I know or understand.]

During my doctoral pursuit I was rewarded with this fortune cookie at Panda East—Nothing worthwhile is ever accomplished without passion. This seems a good axiom to follow when it comes to questions. Simple question: hard question. What difference does it make?!? It is all about discovering the riddles of life and the universe to make more sense of our own lives. What do we have to lose! Certainly not faith; faith is the energy we run on as we seek those answers we believe are out there, somewhere. Trust God. Dig in. Don’t give up.

Have a nice week,

Gary

fireheart

The flame ignited, burning hot, passions flaring, intensity glowing, depth and elation stretching the limits of reason, mind and body. Your heart is racing, blood pumping. You are ready. You are on fire! Inextinguishable energy personified.

But there is another side. Burned. Emotionally, physically, to the core of your being. Trust destroyed. Energies extinguished. Your heart a pyramid of embers, not even smoldering. Or, ruthlessly smoldering with rage.

The heart holds such sway over human nature. Kingdoms have been built, flourished, defended, and lost because of visions dreamed and passion abated. Great art and great destruction have flowed from its river. The heart is a burning flame with the capacity to inspire or enrage. If crushed, its restoration is costly, both in time and effort. For a wounded heart is reluctant to let even its possessor near.

So what is it that ignites this simple organ, this muscle that calibrates and controls the flow of our life blood throughout our body? What is it that transmutes it from a simple body part into our source of passion and power? What enflames it to become a fireheart ?

1. A Challenge. Whether a problem to solve or a situation to resolve, or a task to be accomplished, it is only a burning desire within that is formidable enough to achieve a triumphant outcome.

2. Anger. Some things should get us so mad that we do something about it; not in retaliation, but in sensible reactions that resolve issues.

3. Intense Fear. The fear that cripples so severely may also serve as the catalyst that launches our hearts to fight. Use fear: do not give into it. [Note. Soldiers at war, in face of imminent death, have moved from mere men to heroes when they faced this fear.]

4. Faith. Believing that something is right and worth living for is an inspiring launching pad for great accomplishments. IF you truly believe in it. And act! [Note. Many genuine Christians have given their lives for what they believed; fewer agnostics or atheists have done the same.]

One final point to ponder— Is your heart a fireheart? What are you doing about it?

Have a nice week,
Gary