Category: General

compliance

Remember when you were a child and your parents forced you to pick up your room? You did it…, but you were not happy about it. As you grew up you were forced to do homework; you couldn’t just play sports, you had to try out for them (as if you weren’t good enough); you had to take tests that measured your memory of what you had been taught (not, in contrast, of what you had learned), and then more tests that determined your later life-expertise. These tests usually were administered on a Saturday morning. You r-e-a-l-l-y were not happy about that. On the surface you were compliant: but within, you were seething in your own little, private rebellion.

Carrying this duality into adulthood results in a duplicitous character. A courteous Dr Jekyll on the outside— Mr Hyde lurking just below the surface. If not addressed this dichotomy creates a façade that veils your true self. First, others sense something that makes them feel uncomfortable around you. As time continues, you forget your true self and become the façade— you are known as that courteous, gracious person who always places the needs of others above his/her own. But deep down within your being, resentment and anger are festering. But by then you are no longer aware of it. You simply act out of a sense of duty, of commitment to the task, of compliance.

Until one day…, one event…, one person triggers those years of repression and duplicity…, and you explode. Hopefully, not on someone you love, but on someone who loves you AND comprehends what is going on.

Living a tranquil, compliant life, while roiling waters fume and foment within can take its toll on anybody. It will wear down your spirit, exhaust you physically & emotionally, and corrupt your soul. Get help! Find an insightful friend, a wise psychologist, or a minister/priest. This is a serious situation that will not naturally resolve itself. Even bring it before a holy, mighty God and cry out for Help!  Many people before you have come to this point and done just that. Do you think God turned them away?

 

Have a nice week,

Gary

crossroads geese


It was a fresh, sunny October morning so I decided to take my morning coffee outside to soak in the morning warmth. Numerous gaggles of Canadian geese flew over; a typical passage for this time of year in New England, their southern migration heralding the approach of those wonderful, hot chocolate &fireplace snuggling Winter months.

A wave of bewilderment overwhelmed me as I followed two migrating flocks traveling in opposite directions, crossing one another. Stranger still was my confusion as I realized they flew, one, east to west, the other, west to east. Hummm!?! Maybe some were French Canadian Geese? Were some American covert operatives geese? Confused, I came to their rescue, “Hey, fellas, SOUTH is that way!” flapping my arms in the general direction. To no avail.

The metaphor was clearly obvious. Too often we follow a leader (or candidate) with little understanding of the direction they are heading. They are (seem) genuine, affable, pleasant, and cordial. Their words carry weight; they speak the truth. They are funny. They must be trustworthy, we conclude. Then we learn something about them that give us pause; that makes us question our original perception of them. We become hesitant, wondering what else might be hidden just under the surface of such a congenial façade. Have we misplaced our trust? We’re still flying straight, right? Then why are those other geese heading in the opposite direction? Do they know something we do not?

How does this happen?

  1. It happens when we place our trust in people without asking the right questions up front.
  2. It happens when we follow our leaders with our hearts, leaving our heads behind. We hold such implicit trust in them that we turn off our critical faculties and stop thinking. We just follow.
  3. It happens when we turn a deaf ear to other people who think differently. We do not listen to them. Different voices breed confusion, and that leads to thinking, reconsidering. TMI.
  4. It happens when we allow the deception to continue for so long that it becomes the truth, whether it is so or not. Majority rule.

So it is we find ourselves in this present culture listening to different voices gaggling “Follow me. Follow me.” when both may be heading in the wrong direction, as are many others. Thus have the masses come to be ruled by those who speak well, sound good, and are likable. Thus is the case when we suspend our God given ability to think and ask specific questions of those who lead us…, or who desire to lead us.

Ask questions! And, again,  Hey, South is THAT way!

Have a nice week,

Gary

the hunter

An “impersonal God”— well and good. A subjective God of beauty, truth and goodness, inside our own heads— better still. A formless life-force surging through us, a vast power which we can tap— best of all. But God Himself, alive, pulling at the other end of the cord, perhaps approaching at an infinite speed, the hunter, king, husband— that is quite another matter… .

            There comes a moment when people who have been dabbling in religion (“Man’s search for God!”) suddenly draw back. Supposing we really found Him? We never meant it to come to that!

            Worse still, supposing He had found us?

~ C.S. LEWIS, Miracles

Many of us (though not all), in searching to define and understand ourselves, come to a point where we consider the possibility of god, or, if you will, God. Such is our nature to search, to explore, to discover more of the mysteries of our inner selves and the vast realm of the universe beyond. Following a path of curiosity in either direction will give rise to questions like—  Is there more than just me? Am I a part of something much greater than I might imagine? Is there something behind the physical universe?

At this point most of us stop thinking. We are too busy with life, work, families, new babies, and sports to have any energy left for such BIG questions. But WHAT IF…?  What if we detected an uneasy sensation within ourselves that there might be someone out there, somewhere, looking for us? This is a sensation worth examining, especially if it becomes a recurring theme in your life. Could it be that there is a Great Hunter, the Great God-Creator Himself, seeking you? If He is, you cannot run, you cannot hide. And you cannot find rest for your soul until He finds you. Maybe you have something He wants? Maybe He’ll have something you want? Or maybe He simply wants to give you something?

Most plausibly,  He wants you to stop your running away from Him in fear and, instead, have a cup of tea with Him. I wonder what that conversation might sound like.

Being hunted by God is not a thing to treat glibly. It is not a trifle. Engage cautiously.

Have a nice week,

Gary

Juvenile loons

Loons are seafaring birds, a member of the Gavia family, indicating that they are awkward on land. They resemble a large duck, with webbing between their toes. In general they are black and white, with a little grey on their heads & necks and white bellies. They feed by swimming across a lake, spot their lunch by sight, and suddenly up-end, diving under to grab their prey. Juvenile loons have a distinct call they make to signal other Loons, especially those of the opposite sex. It sounds like this—

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/13/Loons.ogg

There isn’t anything quite like sitting on a dock on a New Hampshire lake, listening to the evening cry of the Loon. It calms the soul and draws one back to a simpler time where the sounds and movements of the natural world held such restful, tranquil majesty.

By contrast, a number of people with whom I have crossed paths could also be designated as juvenile loons. They have never quite grown up. It is not their playfulness or zest for life at issue; those characteristics are wonderful. It is a sense that they do not want to grow up. They only want to play; their life is split between earning just enough money so that they can play, or throw themselves into gaming, or collect things they cannot afford. They have never quite owned up to the responsibility they need embrace for their own lives. This is especially catastrophic when others must pay the price—parents, spouses, and children. Being a unremitting juvenile is not a life option.

The word Loon is a North American derivative from the Olde English lumme, meaning lummox, clumsy, or awkward. We have all crossed paths with people who just don’t seem to fit in, or who are obviously uncomfortable in social situations— proverbial bulls in a china shop. These people unsettle others, making conversation seem forced. Their lives seem to be a series of mishaps, one after another.

Some of these clumsy misfits can be retrained to be more socially appropriate:  some cannot.

The real issue is whether we can learn to honor and accept them as fellow human beings. This is no simple matter. It involves relinquishing condemnation, and forging a love out of loathsomeness. It means realizing that this juvenile could become a voice for justice: and this Loon a future leader.

All of us are at different levels, social strata’s, at different phases of our ability to contribute to the common good. This is how God would have us be— involved in the juveniles and loons of our society, while raising their status before God and men.

Have a nice week,

Gary

How do I cut cheese?

Recently we had a guest in our home who assisted in the preparation of an hors d’oeuvre plate for a small soiree. The assortment of offerings was quite delectable to say the least. But I became somewhat concerned when our guest, newly sharpened Wüsthof paring knife in hand, asked, “How do I cut cheese?” My concern increased to astonishment after I deftly relieved her of possession of the knife and replaced it with a cheese- slicer, which she fixedly studied with that “what’s this thing” sort of intensity.

The conclusions elicited from her question led me to the following observations.

  1. She came from extreme wealth and therefore had, truly, never actually cut cheese in her life because the kitchen help or chefs were responsible for such menial tasks.
  2. This was a ploy to get someone else to cut the cheese for her.
  3. Her planet did not have cheese or knives, let alone cheese slicers.
  4. She had just been released from the asylum where “residents” were not allowed to play with knives, nor would they ever come in contact with a cheese slicer.

The impressive thing was the unpretentious, pleasing, and direct manner in which she asked. She seemed neither embarrassed nor unashamed. (Though I did notice her face develop a peculiar reddish tint as the question left her lips.) Whether from naïveté or ignorance, her query was most appropriate. That alone is an inspiring, notable, and extraordinary feat in our self-dependent, independent, and improper society.

Why can’t more of us be like our unassuming, knife-relieved house guest? You don’t know something, or don’t know how to do something— ask. Is it truly that difficult? Do we assume that everyone on the planet comes out of the womb with the knowledge of how to cut cheese, how to insert a shoe-string through a hole, how to add or subtract? Let alone the exploratory skills to map the sequencing of DNA double helix?

Some of the more challenging questions I’ve had to ask—

  1. How do I tie a Windsor knot?
  2. How do determine which god is God?
  3. What is the cleanest way to change the oil in my car? (there isn’t one, by the way)
  4. How do I determine the criteria for choosing the one I would marry?
  5. How do I cook steak properly? (medium-rare, of course)
  6. What am I supposed to be doing in this phase of my life?
  7. Why do different cheeses need different methods for cutting?

So, really, how do I cut cheese, or choose a spouse, or grill a perfect steak, or find God? The important thing is that asking questions is the simplest way to learn. Investigating and questioning then leads to richer understanding and deeper knowledge of cheese and everything else.

Have a cheesy week,

Gary

8 1/2 x 11

Take an 8½” x 11” sheet of paper. What will you write on it? Or scribble, or draw, or sketch? Or will you reproduce a Jan Van Eck, or fold it into a paper airplane or a work of origami? Or maybe crumple it into a ball for some rainy-day in-house fútbol.

If this 8½ x 11 sheet of paper symbolized your life what would you do with it? Not that life is all that two dimensional; it certainly is not. But if that sheet of paper could represent your life, what would you do with it? Many people let others write the paper of their life, giving up control, often capriciously. Some allow others to crumple them up into a little ball and kick them around for their entire life. What a tragic waste. More tragic are those who choose to write nothing…, absolutely nothing. They merely accept whatever comes their way.

Fortunately, there are enough of us who strive to make something of our life; to plan, create, design, and make a difference while we still have breath. Some of us are successful in business and accumulate mass fortunes. Their ability to make a difference on this planet is truly on a global scale. Their fortunes have helped the less fortunate rise to greater expectations for centuries. They deserve our thanks & praises. Others choose to serve humanity among unknown communities in the most neglected, war ravaged, impoverished places on earth. Their wealth is of a different nature. They will write the paper of their life to make just as much a difference as those who accumulate wealth; but their 8½ x 11 sheet will carry the names of those who our world will never notice…, except for the one person who came to them and cared. God, too, might notice.

As you continue to fill in the lines of your 8½ x 11 sheet of life (or paint & sculpt it) what will you write? If there are some lines already written you wish you could erase…, they cannot be. We have all written life-lines we pray no one else will ever read.

But we can choose to change the plot; to begin a new storyline, to start a new chapter that shifts the direction of our life away from ourselves and onto making a difference.

Allow me to leave you with a quote from George Bernard Shaw (Irish playwright, 1856-1950).

This is the joy of life:
Being used up for a purpose
recognized by yourself as a mighty one;
being a force of nature
instead of a feverish little clot of
ailments and grievances,
complaining that the world will not devote itself
to making you happy.

Now, back to writing,

Gary

knots

Most of us spend a good part of our lives untangling knots. Marriage knots, business knots, financial knots, teenage knots, new baby knots, change of location knots, unfulfilled dream knots, depression knots, communication knots, engineering knots, philosophical knots…, and the list goes on and on. I just stayed in a friend’s guest house and had to untangle the window blind knots to get them to work properly. Unless you are a problem solver by nature (and some of us are) knots are frustrating.

More often than knot (sorry) disentangling life’s’ knots ties us up in knots. Our stomach churns, gut tightens, heart beats faster, emotions are on edge; and we live inside a silent tension between turbulence and resolve. Yet externally, as far as others are able to see, we are an image of a peaceful garden on a warm summer day. Or maybe not. Deep knots move from our insides to tie us up inside and out. That makes other people r-e-a-l-l-y worried. Nonetheless, life’s knots + stomach knots = a really bad feeling of being out of control.

Let’s look at that control issue a bit. There are many times throughout our lives where we are, truly, NOT in control. We either lose control, others have or take control over us, especially in employment situations, or we have no idea as to how to maintain or regain control. The place to start is not with words or actions that demand we be given control once again but rather how we deal with not being in control.

It becomes a matter of trust, safety, and confidence. If you always panic at every situation, you need to take hold of yourself.  Learn to stop the panic or it will kill you. That is when establishing a modicum of trust is critical. Not that you necessarily trust those who lord their control over you, but rather that you learn to trust in the God who made you. He does, after all, have your best interest at heart. Safety starts there, in the arms of God, then moves to confidence. If you have a sense that God is in control, you can rest more comfortably that you do not need to be. True, you need to exercise your abilities within your area of expertise, within your confidence level; but if your confidence is in your own skills, your own abilities, exclusively, WATCH OUT! You are headed for a fall.

Many of our inner knots are indeed products of the plethora of knots we endeavor to untangle in our daily lives and work. But dare I say that many of the knots, internal and external, could be untied if we just learned how to trust in the God who made us. Maybe we need a bumper-sticker that reads—

Live responsibly— Trust God

Ergo, knots untangled. Jus’ sayin’.

Have a nice week,

Gary

Shifting Gears

Petar Milošević

Nooooooo. This is not another one of my tales where I somehow manage to sneak in a stealthy connection to the Bugatti Veyron. I am not THAT devious. Mostly. But it is an argument for the need we all have to shift gears every now and then. So many of us get stuck in a rut—working 24/7, never stopping, or working 9-5, coming home & wasting our evenings in mindless wonders. Others of us work hard to play hard. Then there those of us who just settle; whatever comes along next is what we follow. Some of us fall into a seasonal pattern—last vacation, pre-vacation, vacation, & next vacation; we work to build up a bundle of $$$ to play next year.

The point is that we rarely take a breath long enough to look at the broad brush strokes across the journey of life. For some of us our journey is like a carriage ride—we cruise along steadily, calmly, enjoying life’s scenery, letting the horse set our life’s pace. For a few of us, the journey is more like the German Autobahn, where life (& Veyron’s) know NO speed limits. We are determined to get ahead no matter what. But for others, the journey is like a Ferris Wheel at the County Fair; we allow our life simply to go round and round, having both highs and lows, then we go round again.

Whatever your life pattern, wouldn’t it make sense to take at least a little control and consciously shift gears every now and then? To some degree all of us can grab hold of life’s gear shift and make conscious efforts to pick it up a little when the pressure is on, or to slow it down to take those much needed breaks. To not do so is to feed the flames of fatigue, burn-out, decreased productivity, and shattered relationships.

Shifting gears, though, just doesn’t happen. None of us has the luxury of an automatic-journey. We are designed to be actively involved in directing and redirecting our lives, much like a certain car I will not mention. NOT to steer your life leads invariably to a certain crash. And with the many twists and turns in life’s roadways we are going to have to do a substantial amount of steering, slowing down at the curves, pulling over for refueling, and speeding up on those straightaways!

Shifting gears is a lot more work than driving through life on automatic: and it’s a lot more fun, too.

Okay, I’m not that strong after all. Grrr !

Have a nice week,

Gary

Garvyn Araneae

Allow me to introduce you to one of my closest friends. His name is Garvyn Araneae. I met Garvyn earlier this past Spring as he set up shop amidst our lilacs & sprouting maples. What drew me to Garvyn was his industriousness, constantly working on building a safe place for his future family. No matter the weather, Garvyn spun his web feverously. I was up late one night (2 a.m.) and found him still hard at work. I was truly impressed with his persistence—never tiring, never giving up, even when winds and rain destroyed part of his domain he would repair it and continue with further building.

Garvyn waited patiently for the daily deliveries of food. Some days there would be little; other days, none;  but then there were those incredible days when so many back-orders arrived, seemingly all at once, that he had to work late into the night to wrap it up for storage and safe-keeping. He knew that he had to be prepared for the arrival of his family; he would need LOTS of fresh food. Well, sorta fresh. So, with a somewhat weary whistle, he would toil into the night, preparing for his beloved.

It was following a thunderstorm, as we both stood in awe at the glory of a rainbow, that Garvyn asked me a question. “I know that, like us, humans work hard hours to make their lives secure. But do they stop, like you and me right now, to wonder at the majesty of God’s rainbows?” I was hard-pressed to answer him. I tried to explain how humans had evolved to a place where work had become all consuming, where consuming had consumed us, to the point that we rarely noticed rainbows anymore, let alone God. Rainbows, creation and God had become fleeting fantasies for us. We no longer gave much time to the deeper magic of life.

Garvyn looked at me sympathetically, sadly. A tear fell to mingle with the rain-drops on his web. I didn’t know if it was his…, or mine.

Have a nice day,

Gary

Forgetting to Think


One of life’s greatest pitfalls is forgetting to think. Rushing ahead to make a snap decision, allowing emotion or passion to have unabated reign, plunging headfirst (not necessarily with brain in tow) into fool-hearty acts, all have eventual consequences. Sometimes these consequences can be quite serious; unwanted pregnancy, loss of life (your own, for one), the unintentional ending of another’s life, loss of a job, divorce, loss of trust. Forgetting to think is, well…, thoughtless.

Assembling the proper ingredients in the mixing bowl of the mind is fundamental to the thought process— gathering information, insight & opinion from others, testing the idea, waiting…, waiting some more. Asking, What could go wrong with this course of action? What is the probability it might go wrong? What is the seriousness if it does? Build a model or prototype, if appropriate.

Of course, if you are between the ages of 13-21, little of this may matter. Your hormones have undoubtedly circumvented your thought processes and you are predisposed to act on the moment’s emotion with thinking, and regrets, following later. If you are 21-40, you are more than likely to think about yourself and how you can get ahead or what’s in it for me. [We seem to become such a needy species in this period.] To be sure, though, some of us are not like this: we think of what we can give to better serve our planet and its inhabitants. We are known as the humanitarians, the servants of industry, social workers, missionaries, soldiers…, the ones who give their lives for the lives of others.

If you are between ages 40-60, you are (or should be) thinking about what you will leave behind— your legacy, the impression that will remain with those who follow. If you have not built a foundation for this stage it may be a strenuous time on the road, a surprising time. But it is also a critical one in life’s journey.

Wherever you are along the road of life, the shift to thinking will be sparked by one common consideration— thinking about the effects your actions have on others rather than thinking about what you can personally gain. To never come to this point, no matter your age, is to decide to live a life of perpetual self-gratification and self-absorption. It is to instill an incessant imbalance within between personal desire and human responsibility and kindness toward others.

May God help you!

Or…, change.  Think about it.

Have a nice day,

Gary