Remember when you were a child and your parents forced you to pick up your room? You did it…, but you were not happy about it. As you grew up you were forced to do homework; you couldn’t just play sports, you had to try out for them (as if you weren’t good enough); you had to take tests that measured your memory of what you had been taught (not, in contrast, of what you had learned), and then more tests that determined your later life-expertise. These tests usually were administered on a Saturday morning. You r-e-a-l-l-y were not happy about that. On the surface you were compliant: but within, you were seething in your own little, private rebellion.
Carrying this duality into adulthood results in a duplicitous character. A courteous Dr Jekyll on the outside— Mr Hyde lurking just below the surface. If not addressed this dichotomy creates a façade that veils your true self. First, others sense something that makes them feel uncomfortable around you. As time continues, you forget your true self and become the façade— you are known as that courteous, gracious person who always places the needs of others above his/her own. But deep down within your being, resentment and anger are festering. But by then you are no longer aware of it. You simply act out of a sense of duty, of commitment to the task, of compliance.
Until one day…, one event…, one person triggers those years of repression and duplicity…, and you explode. Hopefully, not on someone you love, but on someone who loves you AND comprehends what is going on.
Living a tranquil, compliant life, while roiling waters fume and foment within can take its toll on anybody. It will wear down your spirit, exhaust you physically & emotionally, and corrupt your soul. Get help! Find an insightful friend, a wise psychologist, or a minister/priest. This is a serious situation that will not naturally resolve itself. Even bring it before a holy, mighty God and cry out for Help! Many people before you have come to this point and done just that. Do you think God turned them away?
Have a nice week,