EmPulse for Week of March 7, 2011

decisions, decisions…

A wise person decides slowly but abides by his decisions. (Arthur Ashe, American Tennis Player, 1943-1993)

O, if only life were simpler, like in the old days. Really? You believe that? Life has never been simple. Complexity, convolution, conflict, and chaos have reigned since time immemorial! About the only simple thing we get to choose is which color M&M to munch. Life is a series of decisions; some critical, some important, some of less consequence. If you are one who does not like making decisions, you have a problem. There will not always be someone there who will tell you what to do— you will have to make a decision on your own.

Ergo, this little Ten-Point Primer on decision-making might be of some use to you. Enjoy.

1.      What is the nature of the decision? Complexity? Ramifications?

2.      What amount of time can you devote to this decision given the other areas of responsibility (read- time-commitments) in your life?

3.      What are the time-constraints on this decision? By when MUST it be implemented?

4.      What resources might you draw upon to help you make this decision?

5.      WHO should be included in your decision making process?

6.      Since your decision will affect the future, consider what might go wrong with your decision. How can you lessen its negative impact? What feasible scenarios might you create as secondary courses of action? [In general, there is always more than one way to do something.]

7.      What will your decision cost— financially, emotionally, relationally, professionally?

8.      How might spending time alone before God, listening, enable you to make a better decision?

9.      Some people need a lot of information before making a decision; others, not so much. At what point will you make the decision? Being about the future, it will never be totally certain, totally safe.

10.  Make the decision; implement it, live with its consequences.

There are few tools available to better gauge our growth toward maturity than our competence in making decisions. Risk, faith, trust, teamwork, fear, critical thinking, and just plain guts all come into play when we have to make a decision. The buck may stop with you, or you may be on a team that needs consensus; no matter the process, you come to a point of decision. By the best of your ability, so help you God, make a good one.

Have a nice week,

Gary

EmPulse for Week of February 21, 2011

dyslectic dreams

All of us dream. Most dream in black/white. Some dream in color. (I have taste, aroma and altitude sense in mine.) But some of us have dreams that are so vivid that they are hardly discernable from being awake. Among many top businessmen their successes were first envisioned in dreams, then fleshed out in profitable enterprises. In times of war there have been people who can sense an ensuing battle, image it inside their minds, and plot a strategy for a victorious resolution. On the flip side, some people live in their dreams because reality is too threatening, too unmanageable. Dreams can be so much more beautiful, so much safer. They simply drop out of life and live the fantasy.

We live in an era of unrelenting bombardment of both images and information. As a result, our minds have lost some significant ability to distinguish fact from fancy. The interplay runs deep. We think we have done something we have not; we remind our husband/wife of something we are sure we told them earlier. Or did we just imagine ourselves telling them? Our dreams become woven within our realities and form an amalgamated memory, irrespective of their veracity. Thus, we oft get things backwards, upside down, or mashed together. What is actually REAL becomes convoluted in our perception. We see through a glass darkly…. if we are even aware that we should be sorting through the mayhem of multiple meanings at all. Cogito ergo sum. Cogito. (I think therefore I exist. I think.)

The end result of this multiphasic-mental interplay is a loss of what is REAL, and what is IMAGINED. Not only do we get our dreams backwards, we get reality backwards as well. Dyslectic dreams produce dyslectic decisions—we have our life-facts so confused that our decisions about people, projects, and planning are based on truly fallacious assumptions. It is truly a conundrum: we need to dream to stretch the perimeters of our imagination; and we need to remember real-reality as the proper domain of our influence.

So many mental moves come into play when trying to solve problems, provide solutions, repair interpersonal relationships, or build cooperative trust over issues. It is tantamount that we have a clear grasp of who we are, of our present, real responsibilities and commitments, and of our abilities to handle what life throws at us.  Remember we live in community; DEPEND on the insights of others. DO NOT waste time trying to solve a problem for which someone else has already imagined the solution. DO NOT isolate yourself to such a degree that you miss the strength of melding the hearts and minds of others with yours.

Final questions to ruin your day— How many of your dreams have gone unfulfilled? How much time do you spend dreaming about what might be versus making it happen? How can you check your “facts” with others to know if they are real or imagined?

Our lives have a time-frame. Are you within the correct boundaries at this point in your life to make a difference in our world?  OR, are you still daydreaming? And please, get your realities sorted out! Confusing dyslexia with clear thinking is clearly dangerous.

Have a nice week,

Gary

EmPulse for Week of February 14, 2011

relearning love

Some people are born lovers. They love life, people, challenges, projects & problems. They give freely of their strength and energy to everything and everyone. They seem to have boundless energy. They are the cavalry, the Knight in Shining Armor, the Hero who sweeps in to save the day. Their aspirations for service, sacrifice, graciousness and greatness seem boundless. You know people like this; they seem unreal in some ways. True, in some ways they might be faking-good, believing they cannot let others down. But in a another sense they may actually be what you see—individuals who possess an indefatigable ability to love. If you encounter such an individual, do not discount them, or be suspicious: thank God for them in your life, for they are rare.

When wounded, they have the strength and fortitude to bounce back quickly, to love and serve and sacrifice again as if little had changed. It has, of course. They have been diminished—cut deeply to the core of their very nature. Yet over time they have disciplined themselves to allow the cut to penetrate and to wound, but not to kill. They have learned that healing is quickened by once again serving, giving, caring for others. Do they need love? Of course. Do they need to be served? Yes. But their life decision to love supersedes whatever needs they may have. More likely than not, they have tapped into an inner source of strength to which the rest of us have thus far not discovered.

Most of us love and love again. We love and we are wounded too. But we do not bounce back so readily. We guard our hearts, often for quite some time. We also leave trust behind, afraid of being cut deeply yet again. Our defenses become fences become walls become fortresses become high towers, untouchable by only a few, if any.  We need to relearn to love. To grant access to the person who hides within our body, behind our smiles, past our pleasantries, underneath our civilities. For once facades become fixed they are not so easily shed. They become us, and we lose our true self within.

Relearning love is not as difficult as it might seem. It is no less than a frightening decision turned into positive action. Start small or start with your greatest fear; it matters not. Just start. Our God has surprised many an individual who has ventured to take the first step. For it you do not relearn love you most assuredly will not have to learn death… , for you already have.

There is no remedy for love but to love more.

~ Henry David Thoreau

Have a nice week,

Gary

EmPulse for Week of February 7, 2011

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons— for you are crunchy and good with ketchup

Dragons…, curious creatures to be sure. A friendly dragon. Hummm. Oxymoron? Dragons are mythological beings from an earlier era; never actually existed. Or did they? Surely there is nothing to worry about today; they’re no longer around. Are they? Are you sure? These thoughts flashed through my mind as I read the bumper sticker on the car in front of me. Do not mess in the affairs of dragons—for you are crunchy and good with ketchup. Not sure I like that chewy-crunchy part. Ouch! Guess I know what’s for dinner.

The point of the message stuck with me. DO NOT MESS WITH THINGS THAT DO NOT CONCERN YOU; ESPECIALLY THINGS THAT SEE YOU AS DINNER. OR TOAST. Yet that is precisely what many of us are called to confront, challenges that are greater than we can contend with, ordeals that might eat us alive or fry our energy to embers. Some of us plunge in head first; others research the situation to death; still others shrink back, afraid of being wrong or failing. Besides, it’s none of our business. Leave well enough alone. Dragons are too dangerous.

There are many fire breathing situations in life that unnerve us to the core. Getting married. Getting married again. Promotions on the job. Being the person where the buck stops. Driving in Boston. Driving in Damascus. Living a life of deception. Having an inmost sin revealed. Control types. Passive aggressives (silent killers). Discovering cancer. Sooner or later each of us will come up against our dragon—that which we fear to face. It may swoop in out of nowhere, nostrils blazing; or it may slowly awaken within, creeping up on us, jaws agape, ready to devour.

How do we prepare for the attack of the dragon? If your overall attitude toward living is one of fear, nothing will change; a dragon attack will only amplify your fear and force an inner paralysis. If you maintain a laissez faire attitude toward life, you may not even recognize a dragon attack until it is too late. If you live at the edge, always going for it, always gaining the higher ground, you probably have your sword drawn already. But most of us are simply not expecting to be devoured by our dragon. We lie contentedly beside them.

Life is not a see what happens next affair. It is either a conscious decision to live vibrantly or an unconscious decision to resign one’s self to personal fatalism. We were not put on this earth to “get by.” Ergo, some simple recommendations—

1.      Develop an honorable character. Having your sword at the ready still requires a skilled hand to wield it.

2.      A Fire Proof Shield is necessary to buffet fiery dragon breath. Find what you need to guard your integrity and stay behind it…, all the time.

3.      Surround yourself with fellow-warriors who do not share your strengths; most likely, they will not hold your weaknesses either. You dare not go up against a dragon alone.

4.      Make decisions quickly. Most decisions need less deliberation than we think; still, some need to be discussed at length with someone, anyone, more experienced that you.

5.      Learn from your mistakes & failures. DO NOT repeat them out of stupidity or precedent.

6.      Generally speaking, dragons are creatures of evil. Live within the greatness of God and leave trails of His graciousness where you journey. If you get lost, your friends (& God) can find you.

We are each called to mess in the affairs of dragons every day. Get used to it. Guard yourself against becoming dinner (or toast). Slay the dragon.

Have a nice week,

Gary

EmPulse for Week of January 31, 2011

genuine chocolate flavoring

Some things just don’t ring true, do they? Jumbo shrimp. Authentic reproductions. Fresh frozen. A definite maybe. Resident alien. Sanitary landfill. Working vacation. And my favorite— genuine chocolate flavoring. Not genuine chocolate, but genuine chocolate flavoring. Why!?! What makes it genuine? Is the chocolate genuine, or is it the flavoring that is? Why not Genuine Chocolate Syrup!? No, just chocolate flavoring. That just doesn’t ring true.

Too much of our lives are saturated with things that are almost authentic…; but not quite. Baking Soda Biscuits…, mostly pure. as Garrison Keillor often says. We have grown accustomed to accepting artificial ingredients, allowing for white lies, and settling for half-truths as if “the whole truth” really doesn’t matter anymore. (Truthiness, remember?) We live in those grey areas of our business practices because everybody does it. We even fashion our own “Designer Religion” to fit our fancy (Utne Reader).

All this casual acquiescence compromises our adherence to any ethical standard other than the ones we set to soothe our own conscience and to stifle that inner voice that condemns us of wrong-doing. What’s wrong with us? Have we lost our sense of right & wrong for the bottom line? Have we lost our commitment to commitment in lieu of a passing trifle? Or has compromise become the acceptable maxim of our era? It’s not about “robbing Peter to pay Paul.” Rather, we ignore what the writers of Christian Scripture Peter and Paul had to say altogether. Why? Because it makes us uncomfortable and lessens our pleasure during our forages into the edges of depravity. Corruption feels so good—especially when you can get away with it and nobody knows.

True, responsible citizenship is based on the right of each individual to stand up and be counted, to make a difference in the things that matter, and to live for what we believe in corporately, as human beings. The right to pursue a livelihood, to earn an honest wage. The right to care about the needs of others. The right to privacy, solitude, and, with adequate forethought, the responsibility of free speech. We have been designed by our Holy Creator God to make positive contributions to this world, to raise our young to accountable adulthood, and to be just in our dealings with ALL others, of whatever faith or politic.

We are called to be forgiving when wronged, merciful in places of power, and trusting first, extending a hand of friendship to any who ask.

These are not vain platitudes. They are principles by which all of us must live if we are to survive our own human race. Our predilection to judge and condemn, to shoot first and ask questions later, to accuse rather than to understand, is a roaring beast that growls within our breasts far too freely. It’s time we all take a look at our own souls, to see what animosities and anger we harbor that gnaws away at our hearts and grinds down our moral underpinnings. It is time we decide to stick to the moral principles that make this world a better place in which to live. It is time we reasserted our right to be committed to something, someone, a code of behavior, a spouse, or a family, even to God. It is time we plead the case for those less fortunate, both in our courts and in our daily practice of giving.

Genuine chocolate flavoring. What good is it? Why not go for the real thing? Become the real thing, as a man or woman of the twenty-first century. REAL Chocolate Syrup, REAL whipped-cream…, and a cherry! Now that’s something to believe in! You do get the point…, right!?!

Have a nice week,

Gary

EmPulse for Week of January 24, 2011

Conch shell

Walking a winter beach is different than walking a summer beach. In summer you are basically naked, wearing less than you would ever be caught dead in anywhere else. You are also striving to promote developing skin cancer through exposure to our sun’s gamma radiation. And, you are most likely laying under an umbrella stuffing in foods that will either lead you to obesity or kill you.

Not so on a winter beach. Walking a beach in winter will find you bundled up against the brutal cold, the stinging sand as it hits your face, and the sea foam freezing as it rolls ashore. Then there’s the wind—  the tornado-coiling, hurricane-force wind. Your clothes are a skimpy barrier against its powerful penetration. But you keep moving, buffeting the elements, as if you must prevail against god of the seas and the sand! More than once you wonder, This is nuts! Why don’t I head back to the warmth of the fire and a hot cup of tea!?!

Then your eyes fall on a conch shell at your feet. The sea conch is still inside. The sea gull tracks surrounding it reveal that you have blundered into a life ‘n death battle. Their beaks are not long enough to rout-out the living creature nestled deep within the shell’s spiral; so they peck at the shells hard surface, hoping to extract their breakfast. Some shells are destroyed, sea gulls satiated. Others remain intact…, and alive.

Our daily lives are more like a winter beach than a summer beach. If we chose to lay under the sun we eventually burn to a crisp, get fat, and die. That is why life’s summers are so short. But in those more likely winters of our lives we need to adapt to the aloneness, the bitter cold, and the constant pecking of our critics. We must learn fortitude. We must force our reticent will-power to life once more, stinging sand be damned. I am not nuts! What I am committed to is worth the fight. I can do this. But you might need some help, and a change of perspective.

⁹ I say to God my Rock,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?”
¹⁰ My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”

¹¹ Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

-Psalm 42:9-11 (Christian Bible)

And please lose the hard shell exterior. It may offer protection against your assailants, but it also may dissuade your friends from coming alongside you, not to mention God.

Have a nice week,

Gary

EmPulse for Week of January 17, 2011

stuck

Have you ever been stuck? Why is it that some experiences tie us up in knots…, Gordian variety? No matter how we try to push through, the blockade persists. A paper to be written for school. A problem in a project on the job. A messy relationship that needs cleaning up. An inner wall that constantly stops us dead in our tracks. It’s like spinning your wheels in Tennessee mud or sliding down an icy road in a New England snow storm…, sideways. Stuck. It’s not so much that you’re stuck, as not going anywhere, or going somewhere you don’t want to go. Either way your road is blocked, blind, or treacherous.

Getting stuck is often simply a corollary of personality. Where one person will sail through the storm, barely noticing there was one, another will capsize and hang on for dear life. The lesson should be obvious. Bring those alongside you who don’t get stuck where you do. If you’re already stuck, find someone with a different personality than yours and grovel before them for help. OR, just stay stuck, stubborn, and obstreperous; and let the mud set up around your ankles.

Developing a different perspective is one way to dig out. We oft do things the same way for so long that we become blind to alternative courses of action. It’s called tunnel-vision—the unconscious, gradual narrowing of our scope of imagination. You may just need a kick in the pants by someone who drives you crazy; or, you may just need to buckle down, gather the right team around you, and have at it. You’re already stuck; what have you got to lose?!  (OK, maybe your pride, your self-determination, and your ego-centric affinity to always do it ALL by yourself. So there. Slosh in the mire.)

It may also be that we need to actually ask for help. This can prove to be a positive thing. It honors the one asked, it is a great step toward resolving your situation, and, hopefully, you’ll get to share a great meal with the one who gave you a hand. Personally, I need a lot of help. Yes, a l-o-t of help. I’ve had to learn to depend on others to accomplish just about everything I have set my shoulder to in life. And more times than not I turn to prayer to seek guidance from above. It would be hard for me to summarize the myriad of times God surprised me with just the right people coming on board, just the right clarification to some aspect of an ambiguous impasse.

Don’t stay stuck. Don’t do the same things over and over expecting a different outcome. Talk through the predicament with a consultant, a friend, or even cuddling in bed with your wife/husband. Prayer wouldn’t hurt too much either. Just don’t leave it there. Get unstuck.

Have a nice week.

Gary

EmPulse for Week of January 10, 2011

Keep rowing…

One of the greatest men I ever knew was Steve Holbrook. We worked together as Princeton Management Associates—he, the founder and CEO, I the lowly peon and apprentice. He taught me many things but the one thing that stands above all was perseverance. Steve was tenacious; he simply would not accept no; he could always push through to a positive outcome.

He coined a little formula about making a difference in life that I have never forgotten—  row the boat. Set your sights on the finish line and row as if your life depended on it. He flushed out the phrase through a pneumonic phrase—  O-A-R.  Row the Boat.

1. OBJECTIVE- What is it you want to accomplish? How do you want to make a difference?

2. ACTIONS- HOW are you going to accomplish your goal? HOW are you going to make a difference? What specifically will you do to fulfill your dreams, your goals?

3. RESULTS- So, how did it go? To what extent did you make everything work? On a 1-10 scale, to what degree did your Actions achieve your Objective? Where did you fall short? How can you make it work the next time? Any changes?

A very simple way of assessing things, isn’t it? Unless we set goals, we flounder… , let the stream take us where it will. If we do not ACT on what we dream, plan, or aspire to, then we merely daydream. If we do not measure what we have done we will, more likely than not, settle for the mediocre.

So when you are simply at the end of your rope, beaten down, or floating downstream—  first, take a breath, r-e-s-t; get some solid input to build your spirit and inspire your soul. Then ask for some practical advice from a competent (older & wiser) friend. [NOT someone as stuck as you are.] Then, get back into the boat and keep on rowing. Odds are you are NEVER rowing against Niagara Falls. It just feels that way.

Since my time with my friend Steve I have often felt as if I were rowing against the current, constantly struggling to move upstream, only to be drowned at the foot of Niagara. To my surprise, I found that I overcame what challenges were set before me, whatever perceived obstacles melted into mere gullies. It was hard, discouraging, tedious, and exhausting. Had I to do it all over again, I would have chosen the same route. Well, maybe with a few less stupid moves on my part.

So, keep rowing, and rowing, and rowing. You can get there! Giving up will make you less of what God has designed you to be and to do. And yes, learn to be wisely stubborn, tenaciously so. J Remember, the people who tell you it can’t be done aren’t doing it—you are!  Keep rowing. And don’t be surprised when your power motor kicks in!

Have a nice week,

Gary