EmPulse for Week of August 9, 2010


Definition- in·ti·ma·cy:

1. the state of being intimate.  2. a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.  3. a close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc.: an intimacy with Japan.  4. an act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection, or the like: to allow the intimacy of using first names.  5. sexual intercourse.  6. the quality of being comfortable, warm, or familiar: the intimacy of the room. (

But why start with “definition” at all? Do we feel safer with things we can put a tag on, classify, categorize, name, or identify? Does it give us a feeling of greater control because it is a defined thing? Are realities more under control once they are sorted by classification in our minds than when they are free to roam as ideas or emotions? Are emotions more of a danger to some of us than the prisons of logical reasoning? Why are some of us so guarded, so fearful? [To be sure, some of us need to keep ourselves a little more reserved.]  Why are others of us so comfortable in our own skin, comfortable with anyone?

Intimacy…, & deeper intimacy, is a factor of individual, personal safety. The safer a person feels in a situation, the more relaxed, open, comfortable, & intimate the conversation, camaraderie, or love-making. The presence of fear or insecurity in a situation inhibits the sense of safety, and thus, the depth of intimacy possible.

The ramifications of a loss of intimacy in relationships are immense. Whether in business, religion, politics, or interpersonal relationships, trust, deep-trust, is key to honor in contracts & commitment. Without it, only betrayal and legal action will follow. We base our lives on the commitments and confidences we form between one another as our bond. To be intimate with another is to fortify that bond in a richer loyalty.

Those who are afraid of intimacy disclose much about themselves. They reveal that they have been betrayed, that they have been hurt deeply. They reveal that trust does not come as easily for them as it once did. They tell us that they do not want to be known too deeply ever again. These are people of sadness, who must live in the shadow of freedom offered freely to them by God. In essence, they choose to trust not even Him. Their fear blocks the lightness of His Love. They choose, rather, to live lives of inner isolation shrouded within a serene façade.

For those who are open to God’s love are also open to love others, and to receive love from others…, freely. Theirs is a life of freedom, forgiveness, celebration, and companionship. They are united with the God who made them and free to love those around them— from husband, to wife, to workmate, to enemy.  Intimacy at its finest!

They rest well at night. How do you sleep? Being open to intimacy is a great key to open a locked-down heart.

Have a nice week.


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