NEEDinc

what lies beneath? …..courage November 16, 2011

When it comes to our inner lives there are things that no one knows but us. Not that we conceal them from the outside world; though to be sure, we intentionally hide some things— our failures, malicious intentions, lusts, and anything else that might eject us from the mainstream acceptability of our society. We harbor private thoughts; thoughts which we would rather no one learns.

But alongside those thoughts are the beginnings of greatness, seedlings that just need the right ingredients of opportunity, danger, and determination to flourish. Courage is one such planting. It lies dormant until it is needed. Then it manifests its demonstration in the oddest of people and in the most unlikely manners. But what lies beneath— courage!?!

Sometimes it is a deep conviction that I have seen something that no one else has seen and I have a responsibility to show it to the world. For others, it is a loyalty unto death that their cause is worth dying for. And thus they do. Not unexpectedly, the absolute, sustaining foundation for courage is LOVE. If you have love for someone, or something, you defend them with your life. Whether it be your comrades in arms on a battlefield, or your family in the safety of your home, or your little sister being attacked by bullies, you will rise to the occasion of defense because of courage…, based in your love for your buddies, your wife, husband, children, or siblings.

One who does not rise to defend that which he loves has no courage. And truly, truly, does not love properly. Genuine love does not express itself to gain something in return: courage might cost you your life, and it will be an act well offered. Actually, if you are a lover of men and a lover of God, courage is a natural expression that flows from within, deep within. So train your soul to love, and whatever courageous deed you are called upon to do will flow naturally from what lies beneath, deep, inside the core of your soul.

Have a nice week,

Gary

the dog, the bone, the cat November 10, 2011

the dog, the bone, the cat

What is it about a dog and his bone!?! Some dogs will give a warning snarl and growl if you get to close to them when they are gnawing away on their skeletal delight; others will tease you to try to take it away. Its veterinary declination is known as CSOD—CANINE SKELETAL OBSESSION DISORDER. Most humans are immune to such species-specific diseases, but there are some corollaries.

Similar to their mongrel counterparts, humans will often gnaw away at ancient animosities, past hurts or grievances, or unresolved issues. They will not seek resolution or forgiveness. Their only response is one of persistent loathing or neurotic retribution. They chose to do one thing—gnaw on their bone. In the end, like the dog, they will wind up with a knot in their stomach and even sharper teeth to bite any future wrongdoers who cross their path. Endearment and reconciliation are not words in their vocabulary. To this observer, only broken relationships, seething internal anger, and spiteful conduct will result.

IF, any of the above even vaguely describes you, you need serious help. Bad things happen to good people. Most of us have been wounded, hurt, betrayed, or whatever by someone or some organization in our life. [This is particularly true within some religious institutions.]  It is never a pleasant experience. But it happens. The pain we feel is real, searing, and deep, cutting soul and flesh to the bone. But we do not have to respond to it with bitter enmity and retaliation. It is not necessary that we allow this pain to produce in us a simmering, smoldering, ferment of vicious revenge. We can also react like the dog that plays with the bone, allowing others to pull it out of its teeth. Instead of gnawing silently and snarling at people who care about you, let them rip it from you and throw it away. Of course, you’ll fetch it, like a good dog, but bring it back to them—don’t retrieve it and slither off, cowering, with your bone once again clutched in your teeth. Gnaw, gnaw.

OR, you could just get a cat! You know…, something else to play with, chase, and tease. Or, maybe even become close cuddly buddies. At the very least, cats are curious, unpredictable distractions. Playful companions have a funny way of interrupting that persistent gnawing.

So let go of that bone you are gnawing— and go chase a cat! Leave the past in the past.

Have a nice week,

Gary

How to get things done! November 2, 2011

How to get things done!

“I have too much to do.” Overwhelmed! Behind. Yes, I have a plan; but I got off track. I need help! Words & phrases we use far too often. Between family responsibilities, demands at work, and financial constraints, most of us are not at peace within our souls. Here are a few suggestions to keep you from going over the edge.

1. STOP! First, you will have to quiet your soul, your heart rate, your busy schedule, & that jumbled glob of thoughts that rumble around in your mind. PLEASE, start by taking one hour alone in a quiet, comfortable place…, with tea.
2. Pad of paper, pencil (not pen), or a laptop. List everything on your plate. Categorize—Family, Business, House (repairs?), Vision, Projects to complete.
3. Pick ONE THING. FINISH IT!
4. Pick something else. CUT IT. It can wait.
5. Reshuffle. Realign your check-lists after you’ve thought through it for a while.
6. Always allow EXTRA TIME to accomplish things. Remember, distractions will come!
7. SHARE THE LOAD. If possible, surround yourself with people who can help. At work, hire; at home, friends & neighbors can get things done BETTER together.
8. TAKE BREAKS. Do not try to get everything done at once; you’ll wear yourself out.
9. Fight to stay ON TRACK.

It is quite difficult to maintain focus in this era of over commitment and over-work. Leading a simpler life is not possible (or desirable) for everyone. But we do have a responsibility to manage what is on our plate. God has given us certain things to do on this planet and we must be about getting them done. MAKE a DIFFERENCE. Ergo, one more suggestion—

1. GET OUTSIDE YOURSELF. Help someone else with their list.

Have a nice week,

Gary

St Francis Receiving the Stigmata October 24, 2011

In another life I was a Docent at The Philadelphia Museum of Art. One painting that consistently drew me was Jan van Eyck’s St Francis Receiving the Stigmata(1430-1432?). Painted on wood-panel, 7.5”x6.5”.

            “Jan van Eyck was the most celebrated painter in Northern Europe during the fifteenth century, widely hailed for his nearly miraculous ability to depict observed reality with a refinement verging on the microscopic. The effect of such intense realism was to create pictures that seemed at once very sharp yet very far away. Here Saint Francis is receiving on the palms of his hands and the soles of his feet the same wounds suffered by the crucified Christ, who appears as an image held aloft by an angel. The saint’s stigmata would never heal and became for many the living proof of his holiness.

            Although Van Eyck’s representation of this legend follows the original Franciscan text quite literally, his one departure from earlier, chiefly Italian depictions is the inclusion of a great, panoramic landscape with a distant view of a bustling city. The scene is thus presented as a miracle being witnessed within the context of the whole sweep of nature and human life, which may seem magically beautiful but is in fact quite oblivious to the sacred action in the foreground.” Joseph J. Rishel, Philadelphia Museum of Art: Handbook of the Collections (1995), p. 164.

And the point of all this gibberish is… what? Simply this—we are not the first in history who needed to discover the richness, the depth, and healing powers of meditation, of focusing our hearts, minds, & bodies on one singular thought. Moving away from the hustle & bustle of our world is often necessary to re-focus ourselves, to find our place in God’s universe, and to cleanse our souls from way too much grit and grime.

In organizational terms, we often must re-focus our thoughts as well. We need to reexamine our Mission— is everything we are doing focused on fulfilling our stated Mission? Are we still true to our Passion? Does each member of the team, from CEO, COO, CFO, managers, employees (even volunteers), and service staff know their role in achieving our Goals? And do we have a sense that we are all in this together?

We will most definitely encounter problems, road-blocks, and impossible circumstances to overcome. Like St Francis, the Stigmata will wound, piercing our flesh, just as it did to Christ. It is only though suffering and fortitude that we will succeed. We must remain flexible and creative enough to turn these times into adaptive realignments of our methods of achieving our goals. Never! Never, Never give up! Winston Churchill.

Realign your life, and your organization, to focus on what you are designed to do, then do it.

Have a nice week,

Gary

Page Title October 20, 2011

Page Title

Scenario #1  It’s afternoon gridlock on the 405; you’re just trying to get home. You are tired of the tedium of your job in LA. What next?

Scenario #2  You are not looking forward to the presentation you have to give today as in Boston. You are good at what you do, but it’s just not you. You wish you could get out of this rat-race.

Scenario #3  You’re in another relationship; your third this year. The same ol’ patterns are arising. Something’s not right. Trapped…, again?

Scenario #4  Your high school friends are all you have. Then they turn on you. Why? Your parents have no idea. You hate your life.

We all arrive at those dead-end streets many times in our lives. We feel like nothing will ever change. We’re stuck where we are. For some of us this will be our life. Life will never change—because we will never change. But for those who want things to be different, better, there is a way out. We can change.

Start with a pad of paper (Laptop, Tablet, 3×5 card, papyrus). At the top of the page decide on a title for your life—for the life you want to live. Do not focus on the past. You already know what that was like. Create a realistic Page Title that you want to define your life in the future, starting tomorrow. Here are some suggestions— Managing Wisely through Enabling Others, Balancing Mothering with Self-Esteem, 10 Issues I must Resolve this Year, How I will Create My Future, How to Turn Over a New Leaf Without Burning Down the Forrest, Reigning-in My Boisterous Side, Forcing Myself to Take Risks, It’s NOT the Credit Cards- It’s ME, Learning to Love and Trust Again, Saying What I Mean. Write down any number of Page Titles, then pick the one that best describes what you want to work on to be different, to change, to grow.

Now fill the page with what you will DO to reinforce that Page Title. Use a list, write at angles, connect things with lines, group them with circles…, you get the picture. Start to lay out a kind of mental road map of how you will make your Page Title define who you are, who you want to be, or resolve some issues you’ve needed to address for a long, long time. These are the things you will DO to fulfill your Goal!

God didn’t design us to wallow in our misery on this planet. He made us to flourish, to change things, and to make a difference in this universe. So let’s start with ourselves, then help other people, then fly to Mars. Small steps, taken together, become big ones in the end. So there! [Note: You may need to read the instruction manual— the Christian Scriptures. Self-help doesn’t always see things clearly.]

Have a nice week,

Gary

forced fit October 4, 2011

forced fit

Square peg in a round hole. We’ve all been there. A job, a relationship, skills not designed for the task, gifts not suited to your present position. Some of us live our entire lives doing something for which we were not designed. As a result, we hate our lives, our jobs, and where everything doesn’t seem to be going. So we force it. We force ourselves to fit the job; we meet its expectations with little inner celebration (unless there is a bonus). We force ourselves in relationships as well. We become what other people want us to be. We want to be accepted, approved, part of IN, and not OUT. Forced fit. Faked fulfillment. Forecast—failure. So how do we deal with square pegs and round holes in life?

There are at least three ways out of this dilemma.

1. The first is to truly change yourself to fit in with your life situation, with your job responsibilities. People do it all the time. Some jobs are worth it; most relationships are worth it. Round peg: round hole. Of course, this course of action might require some painful whittling with a sharp knife to cut away parts of the former you. Most of us need some whittling of our rough edges & splinters. So ask yourself— Is this worth it? Do I really want to change in these ways?
2. The second way to adapt is to change the shape of the hole to fit you. Square peg: square hole. You may need to change professions or career paths to utilize your skills and gifts. This, of course, may involve going back to school, widening your interests and knowledge base; even learning something totally new. What’s the phrase? —You can’t teach old dogs new tricks. Then stop thinking of yourself as an old dog. Maybe it’s time to try something totally new. Not just another job but starting something no one has thought of before. Fun!
3. The third way out of this dilemma is to challenge the whole square peg/round hole metaphor.  Come up with a totally different way of thinking. Maybe parallel alignment of tasks & relationships, or inverse polarity to achieve a desired result, or bunny rabbits out of hats. Alternative metaphors! Image your career, your occupation, from a new perspective. Just because someone gives you a round peg and says you have to force it into a square hole doesn’t mean it will work or that YOU have to do it.

The God who made us also designed us to be different from one another. That’s why we need each other (duh). Please don’t try to be like someone else…, especially me.

Have a nice week,

Gary

parallel universe September 28, 2011

parallel universe

A parallel universe. Some hope it’s there: some do not. Some people feel like they actually live in one. They seem to be…, never quite here. Other worldly, not in the present-time or space, etc. Oddly, we need people who are not quite here. They think outside the box, color outside the lines, come at reality from a very peculiar perspective. And, thus, the rest of us gain insight and perspective from their other-worldliness, their finesse at viewing what we see from the other side of the mirror draws us to listen and consider.

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were another universe? One, wherein we could change ourselves, correct our past mishandling of things, or do what we’ve always intended to do in this universe but never quite got around to it. Maybe the other side of a black-hole isn’t so bad after all. Of course, it could just as well be the final judgment. Conundrums aplenty.

In my imaginations I have traveled to such a universe. A place where things are the way I want them to be, where everything is to my liking with little regard for one else. But I’ve also journeyed to a universe where the world is as it should be; with deep discernment of what is right and what is wrong; of clear application of the ultimate-Principles to life; of forgiveness for wrong-doing, of justice meted out without prejudice, of reconciliation between divergent parties striven after with humble admission of complicity on all sides. Had I my druthers I believe I would choose the second universe. Trusting in myself to be the principal arbiter in my own universe carries with it some sense of incongruity, of appropriated power, of grandiose, illicit posturing.

Yea, verily, the only universe we can travel through is the one we are in. (Probably.) But there is nothing keeping us from achieving what we’ve set out to accomplish in our imaginary journeying through other universe-scenarios; unless we are intent on world domination.  We can change the way we view reality, heal past hurts, correct historical animosities, and live out our days by those ultimate-Principles that seem to be carved profoundly into our souls. This is not for the faint-of-heart: it will take some effort. Though NOT to pursue such realties is to perpetuate the haphazard laziness of our non-efforts to be wasted persistently in mere self-existence and self-gratifying entertainment. It is the elimination of humanity’s humility, supplanted by our lust for stuff. Gimmie!

Maybe it’s time we recreated the universe to function in-line with those ultimate-Principles; maybe it’s time we learned to work together with people so different from us we could hardly imagine that they actually existed. Like Christians, or engineers, or artists, atheists, or anyone whose life-perspective is so dissimilar from ours that they might as well be from a parallel-universe.

O, did I mention the odd observation that we all inhabit the same, small planet in this vast expanse of space!?! Now why do you think God the Creator did that?

Have a nice week,

Gary

…the glass is half-full September 20, 2011

…the glass is half-full

You know the lines— The glass is half-full. The glass is half-empty. Or, the engineering version— Someone made the glass too large. It’s a pint-sized metaphor of life, of one’s perspective on life. It questions whether we see life as optimists (half full), or as pessimists (half empty); or as engineers, who don’t talk in metaphors— it’s a design issue & has nothing to do with perspective. Maybe they are the realistic ones after all.

Personally, I have never cared whether the glass was half full, half empty, or designed wrong. Just drink it! Sometimes life will appear half empty. Drink whatever is there! You’ll need the nourishment it brings to raise the next glass. And when your life feels half full, you’ve only taken in ½ of what you need to complete the tasks God has set before you; be they corporate planning, child rearing, relationship resolution, or overcoming some personal dilemma. Drink the rest of the glass! You are only half way to getting done what is important in life. Actually, pour another glass: you’ll doubtless need that one too.

Some of us get so hemmed in by our perspective that we forget to take advantage of the resources sitting right on the table in front of us. Drink! Drink in the counsel of friends, professionals, spiritual directors! Drink in the refortification of the love offered you by so many of those around you! Drink of your own insights & discernment; you are not a useless blot of DNA! Drink in the empowerment and protections offered you by the God who made you!

There is a story in the Judeo/Christian Scriptures that takes place in the Judean Fall (Oct.-Sept.). The Feast of the Lord (Sukkot, the Feast of Tabernacles) was being celebrated to remind the Jews of God’s bounty in the Fall Harvest. For seven days a Priest would walk around the Temple. On the eighth day he would take a golden pitcher, draw from the water of the Temple Fountain, go to the Temple Laver (wash bowl) and pour out the water while facing West in a symbolic gesture of thanks and praise to God. It was on this eighth day that Jesus approached the golden pitcher before the priest arrived. He emptied it, outside the Temple, in front of all the people, and said, “Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink.  Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.”

So, instead of focusing on whether you feel optimistic (up), or pessimistic (down), at this moment, why not drink fully of what God has set before you? I hear He has good taste in wine too.

Have a nice week,

Gary

stage fright September 13, 2011

EmPulse for the week of September11, 2011

stage  fright

‘Tis a rarity that anyone would not give predilection to a more proficient writer than themselves; but to William Shakespeare, any would duly acquiesce. He penned a commentary on the passages of our lives that needs little interpretation. They come from his 1600 play As You Like It, 2, 7. Please read with respectful historical reverence and perspective. Though not as precise as Gail Sheehy’s PASSAGES (1974 & NEW, 1996)) or Dr George Vaillant’s AGING WELL (2003), Shakespeare’s insights into our post-modern passages bears some degree of meditation. Some things are never new under the sun.

Yea, only slight commentary shall follow—

All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms;
Then the whining school-boy, with his satchel And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover, Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier, Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the bard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel, Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice, In fair round belly with good capon lin’d,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut, Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts Into the lean and slipper’d pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side; His youthful hose, well sav’d, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice, Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all, That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion; Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

            In light of this passage, do life’s passages give you stage fright? Do you find yourself a slave to your assigned strata in life? Does it terrify you to make a mistake, to be wrong, to fail? If you are truly alive in life, be sure you will do all three. NOT to make mistakes, to be wrong, or to fail, would mean you are not truly alive or even human. Our God has not made us to be perfect…, just yet. But he has made us to assail life and live to the fullest, rather than to cower in the fear of not being perfect. Stage fright? Sure— at every twist & turn of the play. Yet we can rest in the safety of the Director’s understanding of what’s afoot.

Have a nice week,

Gary

forward slash September 5, 2011

forward slash

In the world of Internet Searches it helps to narrow your search by tightening the URL designation. For example, www.wikipedia.org  will find access to massive amounts of information; not helpful. TMI. But if you narrow the perimeters of your search, www.wikipedia.com/wiki/UK , you will hone in on the information you desire more directly. The forward slash following the .org (or .com, or .gov) is Internet language for tighter specificity in a search.

Tighter specificity forces clarification in the rest of life as well. Tighten your definitions of things and you will better understand what it is you are trying to accomplish. Whether it is a job search, a decision about a relationship, a commitment to be initiated or a contract to be terminated, defining demarcations first will aid in the follow-through when it comes time to put things into motion. For example, if the question is Which car should we buy? tighten the question by thinking How will this vehicle be used primarily? If will be used primarily for hauling kids to sports games, an $85,000 Mercedes is probably NOT in order.

You’ve heard this— READY! AIM! FIRE! Basic fire-arms training. But often in business it’s more like READY! FIRE! AIM! You may or may not hit your target. But the initial emphasis must always be on READY. Whether you are a high-risk individual (needing little information to act), or a lower-risk person (needing varying degrees of adequate information to act) you must still have the right information. And that is a matter of specificity— clarifying the issues around the course of action to be set into motion before starting out.

Some questions—

1.      How much should I plan ahead? (Depends on the decision at issue.)

2.      To what extent do I research an idea, a trip, a business plan, or course of action before it is initiated?

3.      How can I tighten my research? How can I move from the broad-sweep to the narrow path?

4.      WHO can help me think through this?

Did Hannibal have a plan as he crossed the Alps to invade Rome? Did Wellington have a plan to defeat Napoleon at Waterloo? Did Washington have a plan to defeat the British? Did Bill Gates & Paul Allen have a plan as they launched Microsoft? YES! …and No.  An initial vision, a passion, a drive to succeed? Absolutely. But each one of them had to define, refine, redefine, and clarify their plans as things were set into motion.

So it is throughout life, even a Christian’s life. All of us must constantly adjust, adapt, refine our definitions and realign our goals to adjust to emerging influences. The questions change in each season of life; sometimes, so also do the answers. Seek help from a professional, a friend, and seriously, listen for God.

For if you are not tightening those definitions, clarifying the issues, honing in, you will be left with the SHIFT  to the Question Mark above the slash key…, er ?

Have a nice week,

Gary