When couples come to me for pre-marital counseling I give them a list of seven things to discuss before we have our first appointment. The 7 Fs of Marriage— friends, family, failure, finances, faith, forgiveness, & the future. Each individual is instructed to write down their thoughts on each F and then discuss them with their probable life-mate. When we come to the question of finances I ask them to start by considering their answers to a simple question—

What is the purpose of money?

Sometimes I need to provide the history of money—how it arose, came to replace bartering, coin being represented by paper tender, etc. [I get really weird looks when I do this.]  But it is a question most people have never thought through except to answer “to buy stuff.” Duh.

So, what IS the purpose of money? To get rich? Once rich you can buy a lot of stuff:  LOTS of stuff! And then what…, buy more stuff?!? You can buy a Rolls-Royce, a mansion, two mansions, an island, a company, or the control of government in an emerging country (yes, even parts of America). But then what? Money can also make a difference; save lives, fund medical research, feed the poor, correct injustice, build bridges across rivers and between peoples. It can be used for personal gain, communal well-fare, or global graciousness.

Europe and North America have long held the dominant weight of the world’s wealth, with Eastern China rising rapidly to augment this imbalance. National solvency should be an attainable goal; it is an honorable goal. [The US national Debt aside…, if that is possible…, which it shouldn’t be, but is.] Yet it is not as critical as spreading the wealth around the world to peoples who are in desperate need of help. Wealthier nations should be willing to sacrifice for the sake of people in need, regardless of their nation’s place in the global Coliseum.

When it comes to personal generosity shouldn’t each of us feel a sense of need-to-give? The reality is that we do not; we’d rather buy just one more thing, whatever it might be— a movie, another meal out, another outfit, more shoes, a newer car, a second vacation home, computer stuff. Two Latte’s a week from Starbuck’s adds up to @ $375 a year? The cost of an average meal out (for two) is just under $40.00 (incl. tip); that’s about $2,000 a year…, for an average meal! Shoes…, no, not going there.

Isn’t it time for each of us to think about spreading the wealth around? No matter your income bracket, you can give something! Somewhere! Even if you have to cut that second Latte. If you don’t have to cut anything, if you don’t have to sacrifice in order to give…, seriously, why aren’t you giving? Ask God what amount of $$$ He wants you to live on; what percentage of your total income can be spread around to make a greater difference in this world; and with what amount of $$$ He wants you to be purely gracious. Literally.

SPREADING THE WEALTH AROUND helps us discern the difference between what we desire in life, and what we truly require for living productive, fun-filled, gracious lives. Security is not, nor has it ever been, found in stuff: it flows, actually, from an open heart that has learned to trust the Truth, to care for those in need, and to be gracious to any and all.

Have a nice week.

Gary

EmPulse for Week of January 11, 2010

Definition: adj. Sticking to an opinion, purpose, or course of action in spite of reason, arguments, or persuasion. [http://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/OBSTINATE ]

People get stubborn about the dumbest things. That head of lettuce, a parking space, the remote-control, how to turn right, teenage hair color, the order of the Apocalypse, being right about the smallest differences, or, just being right…, all the time. We bicker over the placement of a paper-clip dispenser on a workmate’s desk, the precision of words in a vision statement (adding months of verbiage & discussion instead of action), the reordering of the products in Walmart (after you finally figured out where everything is), and, forgive me, the direction of the spin of the toilet paper roll. Toothpaste tubes are a whole other story!

When will we learn that some things just aren’t worth fighting for or about!?! Here are some things worth fighting for—

1. Getting a grasp on our personal values and determining the extent that they affect our daily lives and actions.
2. Finding every person you meet as valuable as yourself and not demeaning them simply because they are different in race, religion, or body type.
3. Accepting the reality that people, basically, are not naturally seeking to make this world a better place; they are seeking to make it a better place for themselves. Then graciously drawing them to change their minds.
4. Being the first to seek reconciliation and restitution in times of stress or distance between friends, family, or even nations. Obstinate positioning only leads to bloodshed, be it literal or figurative. Everybody loses.
5. Believing in God doesn’t make anyone His judge on earth. If you want to do His work on this planet, try working for justice, seeking peace between warring parties, bringing compassion into the middle of hatred or hunger, or providing a vibrant meal for those who despise you. Offer practical care for people who are in obvious need.
6. Be insistent about teaching ethics in our classrooms. Not just one belief system of ethical behavior, but multiple perspectives. Discuss them openly, without fear of condemnation. Truth holds her own authenticity.
7. Be willing to call evil, EVIL. Don’t bother with wrangling over its definition; evil also conveys its own authenticity. Name it for what it is. E-v-i-l.  It is as much a spiritual entity as it is a natural one.

If it is in our nature to be obstinate, adamant, dogged, hardheaded, hardhearted, headstrong, immovable, implacable, inflexible, mulish, obdurate, opinionated, pigheaded, stubborn, unbending, unrelenting, unyielding, or just plain willful, then let’s be so about things that matter and leave the toilet paper rolls and toothpaste tubes to the idiots of this world.

Have a nice week.

Gary

EmPulse for Week of January 3, 2010

2010 on the lam

On-the-lam—  Popular American slang for “on the run” (19th century.) The root of “lam” is the Old Norse word “lamja,” meaning “to make lame;” the original meaning of “lam,” when it first appeared in English in the 16th century, was “to beat soundly;” from a Scandinavian root meaning “thrash or flog.” The change in the meaning of “lam” from “beat” to “run away” probably echoed another slang term for running away—”beat it,” or “lam it” —  to rapidly beat the road with one’s feet by running, just as sheep do when they smell mint sauce.” [ http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/13/messages/1182.html ]

It sneaks up on you doesn’t it? Time, I mean. Now we’re in a new decade in the 21^st Century. How did we get here? Weren’t Y2K, 9/11, & the Gulf Wars just yesterday!?! We’re still in a Recession, right? Unemployment is still up around 10%. And Afghanistan + Iran loom on the horizon are a sure future for many young men and women. These are not the greatest of times for many of us; they are challenging times, difficult times, calling on each of us to draw on deeper resources of strength, wisdom, and finesse.

Most of us live under the pressures of these times on a daily basis. We face decisions about our homes & cars, our futures, our finances, and how we are going to juggle everything and still make a contribution to the world around us. If the truth be known, many of us have stopped thinking about “making a contribution” altogether. When a society succumbs to this mentality it is in danger of thoroughly degrading to the utilitarian, where everyman is out for himself, and human decency degenerates to that of the lowest common denominator. In some ways we’re already there.

So 2010 comes upon us with some degree of ambivalence. This new decade holds out the usual hope that things will turn around and life will get better. But this time, that hope doesn’t feel quite so assured. It shares the stage with fear and anxiety that things just might NOT get better; that this is the new American dream…, or living nightmare, for our foreseeable future.

Personally, I prefer to make things better before they get here. I’m a fighter. As a counselor I have seen so many clients come through my door who have given up—hope, solutions, and even dreaming. Their lives are pictures of despair on dope; they truly do not believe they can find a way out of their living death. There are chemical imbalances that can be corrected in this condition, to be sure; but the real issue is one of persistence and a willingness to fight; to fight yourself, your emotions, your exhaustion, and your lethargy. Believe me, I have lived in those periods of life-despondency where I just didn’t care anymore. It was a long, hard battle to climb out of that self-created hole.

So as 2010 is now in its first full week of the space-time continuum, maybe we should steel our wills to go with the currents of her ebb and flow; all the while, plotting to undermine any attempts to sink us or our friends, or our families, or our faith. Set your heart, your mind, and your will to one of overcoming whatever will come your way. None of us can determine the curve balls that life throws at us. We can, however, decide in advance what our stance, attitude, and response will be to those situations. Entering 2010 on the lam won’t help any of us face the challenges of this new decade with any confidence or grace.

Maybe you can’t decide what your life situation will be in this coming year, or decade. But you can determine who you will be as a person, and how you will respond to life’s little dilemma’s that try to destroy you. And remember, if you have the God of the universe as an ally, there isn’t much the evil one can do to shake your life to crumbling.

Have a nice week.

Gary